The Marvelous Misadventures of Naruto & Co
by 13litz13last
Summary: The Kazekage visits Konoha, and Naruto decides to uncover the child he continually hides. When found, what sort of mischief will Naruto, Sasuke and this new boy come across? Title changed from Naruto and the Mystery Boy
1. Assembly: The Strange Visitors!

"Iruka sensei, what's a Kazekage?"

Naruto sat in the second row of the Academy room, head in his hands, bored.

"Did you listen to anything I said?" Iruka asked tiredly.

"No!"

Iruka popped a vein. "Then why should I tell you?!"

"Cuz you were the one who wanted to be a teacher, not me!"

Iruka sighed and shifted his papers. "Okay, class, once again: The Kazekage, head ninja of the Land of Wind and Village Hidden in the Sand, is coming to pay a visit to our land to strengthen our alliance. You'll be able to meet his children, for they are coming to an assembly in two days."

Two days. Wow. The Kazekage? "Is he, like, as awesome as the Third?" asked Choji.

Iruka smiled. "Eh, well, I think the Third is better, but, pretty much."

Naruto pouted. "Wait, you mean, those kids get off school because of their dad and everything?"

"Pretty much," replied Iruka.

"Man," mumbled Naruto. "I wish I was the son of a Hokage."

The two days passed without incident. Friday was the day the children would visit, and on Thursday Naruto heard some people mention the arrival of the awaited people.

Though some kids were excited to meet the kids of other lands, Naruto found school just as boring as any other day. He didn't wish to meet these people, and anyway, it would be at an assembly, so would he really even meet them face to face?

Not that he wanted to. Who would want to meet a bunch of brats? That's what they probably are, thought Naruto. Spoiled rich kids.

That Friday morning, after shuriken practice, Iruka escorted his class to the cafeteria, where a large stage had been set up. All the kids craned their necks to get a peek, except for Naruto, and Sasuke, to show he could care less too.

Up on the stage were two children surrounded by people, waiting on them hand and foot. A boy and a girl, Naruto noted. Boring. Seemed the girl was older. Or was she? Naruto couldn't tell. Naruto shook his head. What did he care?

They each took a seat on the cold linoleum floor and waited as several other classes filed in as the stage was set up. Two chairs for the important ones to sit. Why don't we get chairs? Naruto griped.

So the assembly began. The children stated their names, Kankuro and Temari. They were ten and eleven, the girl older. They were indeed the children of the amazing Fourth Kazekage.

"Hmph," Naruto pouted. "Being born to the Fourth _Ho_kage would be cooler."

"Shut up, you idiot," Sakura Haruno scolded. Naruto shut up.

After the general introduction, they took questions.

"What day were you born?" "What's your blood type?" "What's your father's name? Age? Birthday? Blood type?" "How long was he Kazekage?"

"Where is your mother?"

At the last question, they went rigid. After a moment, Kankuro replied, and his lips barely moved, like he was a statue. "She died at childbirth. To me."

Many seemed to take this as a good answer, and they didn't want to upset them, but apparently Sakura, always having to be right, jumped in. "But my mother heard that there was another kid! Younger than you! Why isn't he—or she—here?"

"Seems like your mother likes to gossip," Temari sneered, looking away. "We're done here."

And they left the stage, and slowly the classes started to exit the room amongst the chatter of the children.

"Is there really another kid?" "Why isn't he here?" "Maybe he got a disease!" "Maybe he's a mutant." "Maybe he killed his mother on purpose!" "Maybe there isn't another kid." "Maybe they're gonna eat him for dinner and didn't want people noticing his absence!"

Naruto pouted and didn't join in any conversation, not that anyone wanted him to. Still, he wondered who this boy might be, and why he wasn't there.

"God," cried a girl, "It could totally be a girl too, you know!"

"Shonen main characters are almost never girls," murmured Sasuke.

Naruto didn't know what to say to that.


	2. Sighted! The Third Child!

You have to give Naruto credit. He tried really, really hard not to care about the missing boy. But it was impossible. Naruto was a naturally curious, mischievous boy who loved adventure. It was obvious that he'd try to hunt down this strange boy.

After the assembly, during Ninja Arts class, Naruto raised his hand.

"Yes?" Iruka asked, openly surprised at Naruto's participation. "What is it, Naruto?"

"How long is the Kazekage going to stay in Konoha?" he asked nonchalantly.

Iruka's eyes narrowed. "Naruto, did you listen to a word I said?"

"No."

Iruka sighed. "Whatever. They're staying for a week. They're here until the Saturday after next."

Naruto brightened. Yes! He would have plenty of time to scope out the town and wherever the royal people were staying.

"Naruto, you have that look on your face that I know is going to get me into trouble."

Naruto ignored Iruka and happily wrote down notes for the rest of the class, which Iruka couldn't argue with.

After school, Naruto skipped down the main street until he realized with a jolt that he should have asked where the heck the Kazekage was staying. He also realized he dreaded the thought of ever seeing that annoying Kankuro and Temari again.

"Yeah, it's that kid," he heard someone whisper. "You know, the one who…"

"Shhh, Omi, he's listening!"

Naruto ducked his head and ran blindly through crowd. He was used to this sort of treatment by others, who openly gossiped about him, yet each time it stung him just a bit more than the last. I'll adjust eventually, right? Naruto wondered. He doubted if he would ever.

He realized he had unconsciously weaved his way to Ichiraku Ramen, his favorite ramen shop. He'd scavenged a free ramen coupon from the garbage, which had sent him some disgusted looks, but it was worth it. And maybe the ramen shop owner knew where the Kazekage was staying.

Naruto ducked under the decorative cloth and slapped the coupon on the table. "Old man, one large miso ramen with extra pork, please!"

Teuchi, the ramen shop owner, smiled. "Where'd you get that, Naruto?"

"The garbage!" Naruto replied.

Teuchi stared at him. "Not just now, I hope."

"Nah, yesterday."

"That's okay, then," he answered, and started making the ramen.

Naruto looked at the wooden counter for a moment before asking, "Old man, do you know where that Kazekage guy is staying?"

"Yeah," said Teuchi. "I hear that he and his family are staying in the Hokage's second home."

"The Hokage has two homes?!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Sure," said the man, shaking the noodles. "The Hokage's rich! They're staying in his house, above the pond, by the playground."

"Oh," Naruto murmured. He'd seen that place many times, but always expected it belonged to some wealthy guy who never came out. So no one lived there, normally. Until now. Maybe he would see the boy there? Or maybe he could sneak inside.

"Naruto, what's that look?" Teuchi grumbled, setting down the bowl. "It's that look that usually ends up having you in a bundle of trouble."

"Ha! Iruka sensei said the same thing!" Naruto laughed, digging into his ramen bowl. It smelled and tasted delicious, but then again, it always did to Naruto.

After the meal, Naruto set off down the road again, toward his house. The sun was setting. He'd go explore tomorrow. He shifted his backpack, and decided that maybe he'd do a little studying today, just to please Iruka.

Maybe.

_

The next morning, Naruto awoke feeling quite awake and ready for adventure. After eating a nutritious meal of ramen, ramen, and more ramen, Naruto tugged on his clothes and set off for the playground.

He figured he had all the time in the world, so he stopped at the playground and decided to play. Doing such things always eased his mind and made him forget his troubles. It was his escape. He was a child here, and no one would judge him or criticize him—so long as no one was around, which there wasn't this early in the morning.

So he slid down the slide, jumped off the swings, swung around on the monkey bars, and built sand castles in the sand box. He ceased to think, ceased to be Naruto. He could almost make himself believe he was someone else, just a child, with a family who loved him, a carefree kid.

Almost.

Other children started to arrive, and Naruto decided it was time to start his quest. With a sigh, he abandoned his feeble sand castle and started down the road that led to the pond. He'd walked this road many times on his way to and from school, which was in the other direction. It was a beautiful place when the rising or setting sun hit the pond water just right, and sometimes he would see his rival Sasuke there, sitting alone on the dock.

He wasn't here today, which meant Naruto could easily walk up the dock to get a good look at the castle across the way from there.

He stumbled down the steep incline of grass, forgetting the stone stairs. The wooden planks _plunk_ed beneath his sandaled feet as he ran to the edge, and shaded his eyes with a hand to squint at the mansion.

It still looked unoccupied, looming above the pond to the right, its shadow making it seem like an ominous monster. It was at least four stories high, without a light to be seen on within the home. Maybe they all stayed on one floor, to the front? Maybe they were still all asleep.

Naruto, with nothing better to do, sat at the edge of the dock until noon. He watched his toes hit the edge of the water and send many ripples across the calm surface, until he thought he heard a noise coming from the large home. But he never saw anything, nothing would stir, not a light would shine. Not even the sun seemed to hit its shingled roof. Maybe they'd already left?

Finally, when his thin patience finally wore out, he jumped up. Nobody was coming, Naruto decided sadly. This mutant, this diseased, this sad third child, he'd never see. It was like _Among the Hidden _in the Ninja world.

He was about to turn and go when he heard a door clank open and shut. It was the porch door at the back, which opened up to a peeling, dirty white deck. It made Naruto wonder why the Hokage would choose such a place to house the Kazekage. But he didn't wonder about it right then, because the figure that had left the gigantic, dark, monster-like home was his height, with messy red hair and a dirty sweater, with an odd gourd attached to his back.

It seemed the third child was out of hiding.


	3. Sasuke: The Unlikely Companion!

Naruto couldn't believe it. The mystery kid was revealed! He wasn't a mutant and didn't seem to have any contagious viruses, but he had the bluest set of eyes he'd ever seen besides his own, and they were surrounded with a thick layer of black—what was it? Mascara? It didn't seem likely, since he was clearly a boy.

The boy hadn't noticed Naruto, for he wasn't looking at him. He was looking at the depths of the pond through the high white bars of the porch railing, looking as sad as he could be.

"Hey!" cried Naruto, waving his arms. Jumping up and down, he tried to gain the boy's attention. "Hey!"

The boy looked over, but before they could make eye contact, Naruto was face to face with a wall of water. He'd fallen off the dock! He hit the water with a _thud _that made his belly sting and his eyes water. Oxygen escaped his mouth as he started to sink, and he thought all was lost when a hand reached into the water and tugged at the back of his shirt, and with a mighty effort, he was pulled onto the dock.

Though the mystery boy had been across the pond, Naruto expected to see him as the one who'd rescued him. He turned, but was stunned to realize it wasn't him.

Sasuke.

"What are you doing here?" Naruto asked, spitting out water and looking at him angrily. He swiveled his head around to catch the boy, but he'd disappeared.

"What do you mean, what am I doing here?" Sasuke blurted out irritably. "I just saved your life, you doof!"

"You pushed me in!" Now that he thought about it, had he felt a push against his back? Yes, he must have…he wasn't clumsy enough to fall in himself!

"You're making that up cuz you're an idiot!" Sasuke shot back, clenching his fists. "What the hell are you doing here, anyway?"

"I can come here if I want!" Naruto answered, shaking his oddly pointed blond hair this way and that to rid it of the water, which, to Naruto's satisfaction, soaked Sasuke's shirt.

"You were looking for that kid, right?" Sasuke asked, wiping off the water, annoyed. "I saw him, too. Weird kid."

Naruto pouted and looked away. "So, what if I was?"

Sasuke grinned naughtily, pulling a hand through his raven-black hair. "You want to find him too, huh?"

"'Too?'" Naruto repeated. "What do you mean, 'too'? You want to find him…er…too?"

Sasuke blushed. "So what if I do?"

"You just don't seem like the type."

"And you just don't seem like the type that would like my fist connecting with your face, but I'll do it anyway."

"Touché."

They stood side by side, looking across the waters to the mansion. It was just as dark now, with not a sign of life. Where had the boy gone? Probably back inside.

"Ugh. We lost our chance!" Sasuke grumbled.

"What do you mean, we?" Naruto answered. "I never said we'd work together."

"Then I'll find the boy. You have no chance, idiot. Either way, I'll find him. You, on the other hand…" Sasuke exaggerated a sigh. "Well, you don't stand a chance, like I said."

"Gah! I so do!" Naruto answered, raising a fist.

Before Sasuke could answer, the porch door opened. They swiftly craned their heads to see, but were met with the gaze of Temari.

"Go away!" she called across the water. "Stop stalking us!"

"We weren't—" Sasuke started, but the door slammed. Sasuke sighed. "I think we should go."

"We?"

"Yes, we, you stupid idiot!"

"If you're an idiot, how can you be stupid, too, Sasuke?"

"I don't know, but you manage to do it!"

But they didn't have a place to go. Neither of them wanted to admit it, but they had not a thing in the world to do but this strange mission. They could train, do homework, watch TV, or eat, but nothing interested them.

But neither wanted to be near the other, either.

"What should we do?" asked Sasuke.

"I don't know."

"Hah! I said we and you didn't do anything."

Naruto popped a vein. "Ok, you jerk, why don't _I _go this way, away from _you_?"

"Sounds great!"

"Totally!"

"Awesome!"

"I know!"

They stood at the end of the dock, on the land, the road stretching both ways at their backs.

"We need a battle plan," said Sasuke. "And I don't exactly want to do it alone. So, you'll come?"

Naruto grimaced but agreed. "Yeah, all right. But you're gonna have to listen to me, too, you know!"

"Yeah, yeah, I got it, doofus."

They walked together, reluctantly, to the swing set, where they both sat and sighed in unison.

"Ok, what now?" Sasuke asked.

"We could sneak into their house to find the kid," suggested Naruto.

"Idiot! He's the Kazekage! He'll have a ton of guards! Not only that, but he's a ninja! He'll know we're there instantly! Though…you've got something there…"

"I do?" Naruto exclaimed. "I mean, I do!" he grinned, his eyes closing practically all the way. Then his face fell. "Um, what exactly have I got?"

Sasuke groaned. "Don't you see?"

"Uh, no, my eyes are practically fully closed most of the time, Sasuke."

"The Kazekage is, well, the Kazekage! So he'll be out a lot, right? Visiting the Hokage, going to meetings, and all that good stuff."

"And?"

"His kids will be gone most of the time as well. They're famous here, too, though not as much as the Kazekage…"

"Sasuke, get on with it."

"The boy never leaves the house, right?" Naruto nodded. "So, then, he must be alone when his family goes out. Maybe even whatever guards they have leave him alone."

"But he needs to be protected, right?"

"Are you kidding? Did you see the gourd on his back? Maybe they leave him alone cuz he's too powerful, not because he's weak."

"Yeah, he didn't look like a mutant…but still. You can't be sure, Sasuke."

"We're kids," Sasuke noted. "We don't have the skills to be sure. But it's worth a shot. Maybe we can find a schedule with all their activities."

"Or watch the door for when they leave!"

"Idiot, they'll know we're watching."

Naruto started to swing himself. "Okay, then, Mr. Smarty Pants, how do we get this 'list of activities'?"

"Well," Sasuke murmured, "Maybe Iruka sensei would know. Or maybe we could find one at the Hokage's office. I bet many civilians want to meet him, so it would be good to know where he is a lot of the time."

"What are civilians?"

Sasuke shook his head. "Pure idiocy!" Sasuke coughed. "Oh, wow, I sound like my brother." His eyes widened, and he looked away from Naruto. "Well, I'm heading to the Hokage's office. You go do whatever. If I find one there, I'll find you. If not, we can always ask Iruka sensei."

"Right!" Naruto called, lifting a hand to salute Sasuke. But after he did it, he realized what he did, and was disgusted with himself. I saluted to _Sasuke_! he thought, shivering. What's come over me?

But he couldn't think of that at that moment, because his mind quickly wandered to another problem: this boy. So many mysteries surrounded him, Naruto found himself practically drowning himself in anticipation, more so than when he'd dived into the water. Naruto looked down at himself. Drenched in water, muck staining parts of his pants and shirt.

"Nice," he muttered, jumping off the swings and heading home. Nice.

_

_Hi. I'm the writer. Shortly before writing this chapter, I thought up two hilarious—to me—jokes. If you know the Akatsuki, you'll understand them._

_What goes, "You beeping beeper! You beeping beep-sucking beeping beeper! Beeeeeeep!"_

_Answer: Hidan in traffic._

_Beside him, who goes, "Those beeping beepers! Always beeping my beeping money! Beeeep!"_

_Answer: Kakuzu during tax season._


	4. A Tussle, an Encounter! That Boy!

Turns out, a lot of people like elite ninja, because there were almost no schedules left in the bin of papers that held the Kazekage's schedule. Nevertheless, Sasuke fought for the last paper with an elderly woman with one mean punch. But Sasuke was merciless, and headed to the playground with a black eye and a grin.

It was hard to say what Sasuke's objective was. He needed to get stronger, that was for sure. Only a year ago…he couldn't even think it. He needed to get stronger. And this was a way to do it, to hone his skills, to finish a mission like this. And if, in this way, he could gain a friend in Naruto…it wouldn't be useless.

No! thought Sasuke savagely. No! No! I will not do as _he _wants me to! I will get strong without succumbing to him!

Naruto was still swinging on the swings when Sasuke returned. His eyes rolled. "Naruto, you're covered in dirt."

"Even so, I'm the better looking of us."

"Seriously, Naruto, change."

"Why? We'll waste valuable time."

"We have a week."

"But we have to go to school!"

"I'm not going to be seen with a horrible-smelling idiotic doofus!"

Naruto jumped off the swings and landed, for once, deftly. "Fine!" he yelled. "I'll be back, Sas-_gay_!"

Sasuke watched Naruto run off, gritting his teeth. What had he been _thinking_? He could solve this mystery without that idiotic dumbass. He could do this alone. Then again, no one would miss him if he were to be mysteriously murdered…

"No!" cried Sasuke, kicking the ground. "No! No!"

"No, what?" said a voice.

Many children had been here today, but it was lunchtime, and they had almost all gone home for lunch. So, naturally, the voice startled Sasuke. Turning, he was startled to find one of his least favorite girls: Sakura.

"Nothing," Sasuke muttered, turning away. How could she understand anything?

"I saw you with Naruto," she said, not touching the topic. She smiled shyly and stood a few feet away, as Sasuke leaned against the slanted metal that was the swing foundation. He watched her eyes widen, and realized this position might make him better looking. No matter how Naruto tries, Sasuke thought, he'll never be as good-looking as me.

"Eh? So?" Sasuke sighed, lifting his chin. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"What are you doing? I thought you despised Naruto."

"I do." But if I could learn to like him…Wah! No! Stop thinking, Sasuke!

"Then why?"

Sasuke glared at her. "Why don't you just go away? It's none of your business, anyway."

Sakura cringed, and twirled a pink strand of hair in her fingers. "I was just asking."

"Who said you could?"

She started to turn away, but Sasuke sighed. He couldn't do this. He called, "Sakura…"

Sakura swiftly turned, looking like an eager puppy. "What is it, Sasuke?"

Oh, why? thought Sasuke. "Um, sorry. I'm just irritable." Because I can't decide whether to kill Naruto or not. No! I won't!

"Oh, ok, that's ok, Sasuke," Sakura cooed, waving it away with a hand. Wow, Sasuke thought. Anything you say to a girl, they think it means you like them. Good God.

"Yeah, well, I'll see you in school on Monday," said Sasuke, waving.

"Yeah, bye," Sakura murmured, waving and smiling. Sasuke turned away just in time to hide his rolling eyes.

Where was Naruto? He should be there by now. Sasuke tapped his foot.

Suddenly, he was hit in the back with such force he was sprawled onto the ground. Speak of the devil.

"Sasuke!" Naruto said breathlessly, scratching an itch at the back of his head. "Sorry! I was so excited I just picked out the first thing I saw in my closet!"

Sasuke coughed and looked up. Naruto wore a dusty black shirt with a red swirl in the center and khaki shorts, with the oddest green goggles perched atop his head.

"What's with the specs?" Sasuke coughed, momentarily forgetting to rage that was starting to bubble inside him.

"I thought they were cool!" Naruto said, laughing. "Hey, I think you should change your clothes, too, Sasuke…you're kinda…dirty…"

Sasuke started to seethe with rage. "You pushed me to the ground!" he cried furiously.

"Wah! No! Sorry!" Naruto shook his head. "Wait a second! You were the one who pushed me in the pond!"

"I didn't!" Sasuke exclaimed, shifting to his hands and the balls of his feet, before springing from the ground to tackle Naruto.

"Gah!" Naruto cried, crumpling under Sasuke's weight as he weighed down on him, Sasuke's knees digging into his gut as hands gripped his shoulders, back to the ground.

"Don't do it again!" Sasuke hissed into Naruto's ear, tightening his grip on his shoulders.

"Can't…breathe…" Naruto choked out, eyes bugging, but still having the sense to become slowly angry.

Sasuke shook him. "Tell me you won't be stupid anymore! Oh, wait, you can't help it, right?"

Naruto could only manage to cough and curse obscenely.

While they tussled, a shadow fell upon them, and at first, neither noticed it. But the figure casting the shadow caught Sasuke's attention after a moment, and Sasuke instantly jumped off Naruto in surprise. "You," he murmured.

Naruto coughed, rubbing his aching stomach, and took a moment to regain his composure before looking up as well. He gasped.

The mutant had left his cave.


	5. Face to Face! The End of Loneliness!

The figure stood before them, face impassive. The massive gourd was as big as him, full of God knows what.

Maybe it's full of stolen money from Konoha, thought Sasuke. Maybe it's full of medicine he takes cuz he's got a disease!

Maybe it's full of the swamp water he puts on his gills to keep him alive, thought Naruto. Maybe it's full of little spiders that do his bidding so long as they get to eat the corpse of his kills!

Though Sasuke and Naruto had widely different imaginings of just what that gourd held, one thing they both felt: fear. They'd never seen a child—or anyone—as expressionless and blank as him. It wouldn't have been more strange if he'd been sneering or insanely happy. This was just…odd.

Naruto gulped. Sasuke hadn't noticed it, because he hadn't been on his own for long enough, but Naruto realized it instantly. His eyes held pure, horrible sadness and isolation within them, and Naruto realized that he was just like himself. He didn't understand his situation, but it had to be similar to Naruto's. But he had a family. What was going on with _him_?

"Uh, hi," Sasuke choked, going rigid.

"Uh," was all Naruto managed.

The boy's eyes narrowed, and the boy mocked them. "You look scared. Do you fear me? Huh? Do you?"

Sasuke gulped, trying to regain some posture. But he found fear coursing through his veins. This was just like last time, when he couldn't do anything to save his people because his body wouldn't respond to him.

Naruto, on the other hand, was not afraid. The look in his eyes told Naruto that he was bluffing. Naruto had done it many times himself—hid his pain behind jokes and laughter. This boy was doing the same, only with fear—which meant, in their conditions, they'd had different ways of hiding themselves. Only the boy had been powerful enough to strike fear, and Naruto goofy enough to receive laughs and attention from others.

"My name is Gaara of the Desert," the boy said, glaring down at them. Sasuke's knees gave out and he landed beside Naruto on the ground. He coughed hard and looked down.

"Gaara," Naruto said. "I'm Naruto." Naruto struggled to stand, but Sasuke caught his arm.

He hissed, "Get down. This kid is dangerous."

"No," Naruto said simply. "You don't understand."

Sasuke looked up from the ground and found Naruto's eyes staring into his. Something about them told Sasuke to trust him. "Okay," Sasuke said simply, and released his hold on Naruto.

With a sigh, Naruto stood up straight, staring into the boy's eyes. "I don't fear you, Gaara."

"You should. I'll kill you." The ground started to shake, and Naruto found himself gulping in fear and shutting his eyes. I'm afraid, he thought. This kid is dangerous. I really could get killed. Why else would they lock him up? I should get the hell out of here, and—

A hand on his shoulder stopped him from racing away. He opened his eyes and realized it was Sasuke. His black eyes, shining with the setting sun, told him that he could do this. Whatever it was, they said, that you want to do, you do it. I'll back you up.

Naruto swallowed his fear and faced Gaara again, who was smirking with amusement.

"Did I come across some gay homeboys in Konoha?" he sneered.

Naruto narrowed his eyes. "Wow, you have no gaydar. No, we're just…" Naruto didn't look at Sasuke. "Friends." Then he added, with the hint of a laugh, "And there's nothing wrong with being gay, either."

Naruto breathed in a breath of pond air and asked, "Why were you locked up, Gaara?"

The boy was caught off guard. His eyes betrayed his sadness, and he bowed his head. Even though he didn't say anything, Naruto could feel the horrible loneliness radiate off Gaara.

"It's because of something you can't control, right?" Naruto murmured. "Is that it?"

"People fear me," Gaara whispered. "They shun me. I'm powerful." He lifted his head, and tears started to flow from his eyes. "You shouldn't come near me! I'm…I'm…"

"Lonely," Naruto finished. Gaara hiccupped. "We're a lot alike, you know."

Gaara didn't say anything, but his eyes widened. Then, they narrowed. "That's not funny! How could you joke about me?" Rage filled his eyes, and Naruto held his hands up.

"No, I'm not," he said softly. "I'm alone, too."

Sasuke jolted. He was? Sasuke hadn't known.

Gaara didn't say anything. "R-really?" he mumbled.

"Yeah. People don't like me, either. I don't know why. Maybe you do. The point is, you have the same eyes as I do. I know you must be just as alone as I've been."

Gaara's eyes showed infinite sadness. "But there's nothing we can do."

Naruto smiled genuinely. "Not necessarily. We've found each other, right?"

"And me," Sasuke added, with a smile of his own.

The boy collapsed, sobbing into the ground, but Naruto knew it was ok. They had each other now. Even if it was for a week, they could be friends.

Sasuke looked on in awe. "Good God," he whispered to himself. "I have no idea what the hell is going on."

-

_Hi. Writer again. Just wanted to say that a 'gaydar' is something my friend told me about—apparently, it's how well you can pick up if someone is gay. I watched a movie with her, called Camp, and in the story people wanted to become actors and went to a theater camp. Well, like, all the guys were gay except for one, and that was the only one I thought was gay. She told me he wasn't gay in the movie, but gay in real life. So, my gaydar is a little off. _

_Also, I added that being gay isn't a bad thing because it isn't. I'm not homophobic. I just wanted to add that in to make Gaara seem mean. Thank you for reading!_


	6. Chronicle 1: Sunday: Sandday!

Sunday morning, Naruto woke up slowly, savoring the feeling of being neither awake nor asleep. Do I have something to do? he thought. Nah…what was that noise? Maybe the neighbor's cat got into the house…maybe…maybe he's eating my plants…my ramen…

My ramen! Naruto finally jolted awake, banging his head against the headboard of the bed. With a grunt, he rubbed his head and stumbled out of bed to check his store of cup ramen.

When Naruto was sure his precious collection was all in the right place, untouched, he began to recall yesterday again.

Yes, Sasuke and Naruto had befriended the lonely Gaara. But he'd said that his siblings and father forbade him from setting foot outside. For reasons he wouldn't admit, he had freakish powers that made anyone who saw them fearful. Sasuke and Naruto weren't afraid, though. They hoped Gaara would eventually share his gift with them before his departure.

Gaara could only come to see them at the playground, since it was close to home. Also, it had to be at specific times that he knew none of his kin would be at home, or checking that he was home.

So, they had planned to meet at ten at the playground to play. They didn't have a specific game, but Naruto had the feeling Gaara would be up for anything. He was new to the friends system, as was Naruto, and they would discover together with Sasuke what it felt like to be included.

Naruto literally jumped with joy. All his prayers had been answered! Unfortunately, he hadn't closed the cabinet door all the way, and his skull painfully cracked against the bottom of the top cabinet door.

His cries of agony could be heard, it seemed, for miles around.

_

Sasuke awoke to the cries of birds outside—or so he thought the sounds came from birds. Either way, he dragged himself from his comfy bed and stretched, and ate a hearty meal of oat bran.

Ka-san (meaning "Mother") would have made him pancakes for breakfast.

Shaking his head as if to rid himself of such thoughts, Sasuke swallowed his bland bran and jugged down his orange juice before washing them in the sink. He still had an hour before meeting up with Naruto and Gaara at the park, so he decided to read books.

He was currently reading, "Killing Your Enemy: The Insider's Edition" and it was actually quite interesting.

It would be easier to kill your enemy if you had Mangekyo Sharingan, said a voice at the back of Sasuke's head.

Sasuke closed his eyes hard. I do not have a voice at the back of my head, he made himself think. Now, shut up, Jeffrey.

-

Gaara would have awoken at about this time, had he not been unable to sleep. It wasn't because he was so excited he couldn't sleep, which would have been true, but because of a more sinister purpose.

He could feel the demon's will stir within him. No, Gaara thought. I will not lower myself to Its level. I would not succumb to Its will. I am Gaara! Not a monster!

Then again, just because he thought so, didn't make it so. Who was he to go against the word of anyone who had ever set eyes on him?

But not Naruto. And not Sasuke. They had been different. They, mercifully, had not shunned him. Then again, they didn't know what he could do. Gaara quailed to think just what they might think if they knew…

But he couldn't think of that. He would let them know. He finally had friends! And they had decided to like him for _who_ he was, and not _what _he was.

Yashamaru had been unable to, along with Temari, Kankuro, Father, and everyone in his own home village. But someone he'd never met before, and had no idea who he was, decided to be his friend.

It was nine, and he hadn't had breakfast. But he wouldn't eat. Couldn't. He was too excited to. His father and his siblings would be leaving shortly for a press conference, and he'd have from ten to one with his newfound friends.

For the first time, Gaara was able to think: I am not alone.

-

Gaara, eager as he was, and so close to the playground, was the first to arrive. He was there only a minute, though, before the number one hyperactive knuckle-headed Academy student showed up. He was breathless upon arrival, a giant grin spread across his face and goggles perched sideways atop his head.

Gaara, though happy Naruto had arrived—he'd been fearful earlier that they might have changed their minds—remained almost as expressionless as earlier. He didn't know how to act with other people, for he'd never been social. He could only smile at Naruto's goofiness.

"Haha, hey!" Naruto laughed, scratching his head where he'd foolishly wounded himself earlier. "I was kinda in a rush, I got up late and I was really hungry—"

"It's fine," Gaara said, nodding. "What about Sasuke?"

"He'll be here soon, I think," Naruto answered, and as he said so, Sasuke appeared in front of them from behind the slide.

"So, what are we doing today?" he asked nonchalantly.

"We're all here, then," Gaara said.

"Let's play in the sand," Naruto suggested.

Gaara flinched. He'd left his gourd at the mansion, and he'd hoped that he wouldn't have to go near anything that involved sand or anything about his home, either. To go into the sandbox would be like jinxing himself.

But they wanted to, so he had to comply. So they headed to the small sandbox of red wood. Some kid had left their pail and shovel.

Sasuke picked up the pail. "I'll go get some water from the pond to wet the sand," he volunteered, shaking it free of sand.

After he left, Naruto began to crumple mounds of dry sand beneath his fingers, sitting amidst the hills of sand.

I'm with my friends, thought Naruto. I'm with my friends!

Gaara sat at the side, atop the wooden border, feet touching the sand. He didn't enjoy the feeling, but it wasn't too unpleasant. He was determined to enjoy himself.

Sasuke returned with the pail and splashed it recklessly into the box, sending sprays hitting both Gaara and Naruto. Naruto got the worst of it, having sandy water fly into his mouth.

"Pfft! Bleck! Sasuke!" he complained, wiping his tongue with his hand, which only helped to add to the load of minerals within his mouth.

"Oops," Sasuke teased sarcastically. "My bad!"

After a quick chase of Sasuke by Naruto, the three settled down to play with the sand, and Gaara realized he quite enjoyed the experience, even if it involved the sand.

"Gaara, why do you have black circles around your eyes?" Naruto asked, mashing some sand into an odd shape.

"I don't sleep much," Gaara answered tensely.

"Why?"

Gaara didn't say anything. Naruto was about to ask again, and Sasuke realized it. Idiot, Sasuke thought. It was obvious this was a touchy subject for Gaara.

He stopped the question by saying, "Hey, I made clay!" Indeed, the sand molded beneath his palms had been infected with dirt, and had created a dense, sticky substance.

"I don't like clay," Gaara replied, letting the loose sand fall between his fingers.

"Why?" asked Sasuke, lifting an eyebrow.

"If I do get some sleep, it's always light and fitful. And I always have bad dreams during. A few times I dreamed of exploding clay spiders and birds. It felt so real."

"Ha!" Naruto laughed. "That could never happen."

They parted ways soon after that, after playing on the swings and slide until one in the afternoon, agreeing to meet up at four the next day, an hour after the Academy let out.

Sasuke trudged home, happy yet unsure. Well, if he needed a friend, he had two. Maybe if he killed them both, he'd get double Mangekyo!

Gah! Jeffrey!

Naruto's walk home was far less troubling. He skipped, not a thought crossing his mind but how much he enjoyed having friends. "Wow, there's nothing that could be bad about having friends!" Naruto said aloud to himself. Sasuke would have begged to differ.

Gaara had a similar reaction, except his was worded like this: "It's great having friends! And they don't care that I'm different!"

And at the same time, in two different places, Sasuke and Gaara said in unison: "I hope I don't kill them!"

-

_Hi, it's the writer. I hope you're enjoying my work. I just want to say that there will be seven "chronicles", meaning, days of the week. This was Sunday, and each day they will have a little adventure, until the day Gaara leaves for the Land of Wind. I hope you enjoy Naruto and the Mystery Boy, and I hope you think I'm portraying the characters well! And please, don't stop yourself from reviewing if you feel like it…not that I'm begging for approval or anything…heh heh…_

_In all seriousness, I love your thoughts on my stories and would love for you to tell me how you feel, good or bad. Thank you._


	7. Chronicle 2: Monday: Haircut!

_Hi, I revised something. Since numerous times I'm calling upon different voices in Sasuke's head, I've decided upon this:_

**This will be Sasuke's thinking.**

_This will be Jeffrey's._

This will be Itachi.

_I hope I don't add people, because I don't believe I have any more choices for differentiating who is talking. And it would just make Sasuke all the more creepy._

-

School the next day was a complete drag, as Shikamaru put it, and Naruto didn't even pay attention. Hell, even Sasuke was a bit distracted. They wanted to play with their newfound friend again.

Recess was the only escape from the maddening schoolhouse—Naruto didn't dare try to skip for fear he'd be told to stay after class—and even recess was a bit of a downer because Sasuke and Naruto hadn't quite explored if they truly were friends or enemies yet. Frenemies, maybe?

_Pretend you're a frenemy, actually be his friend, and kill him!_ Jeffrey suggested. Sasuke scratched his ear**. Good God**, he thought, **no** **one is talking to me inside my head! I am Sasuke, and there is no one inside my head! Besides, even there was, it wouldn't sound as annoying as Jeffrey.**

Don't judge people by appearances or preconceptions, said a voice.

**Gah!**

Naruto was also unsure where they stood. Well, physically, they stood facing each other a few feet away by the slide.

"Uh, hi, Sasuke," Naruto muttered, looking away.

Sasuke bit his lip. What should he do? If they became friends, it would be dangerous. He really didn't want Naruto to die because of him.

**Does that worry make him close to me?** Sasuke thought.

_Maybe you could—_

**Oh, just shut up!**

Hey, be polite, Sasuke. You asked a question.

**Yeah, but, wait a second. Why the hell am I even talking to you? You killed my—our—clan.**

(This is a spoiler for Chapter 400-ish. If you haven't read, don't read this small portion of writing. I didn't write any of these kinds of spoilers elsewhere in this chapter and I will warn you if I do. Actually, I did make one other, but it's not that bad.)

TheboyiactuallyloveandamwillingtodietoprotectfromDanzoand theeldersandiscompletelyoblivioustohowireallyfeel says what?

**What?**

Heh. I still got it.

"Hey, idiot," Sasuke said, pulling a hand through his hair. "I saw you in class. Looked so dumb, drooling on your quiz."

"We had a quiz?!" Naruto exclaimed, shocked. Then he coughed. "Uh, I mean, yeah, but I was thinking." Then he got a bit angry. "Hey, who's calling who an idiot, idiot?"

"That's the best comeback you can think of?"

"How about this?" Naruto turned, pulled down his pants, and mooned Sasuke.

He didn't really know why he did it. Maybe it was because he truly didn't like Sasuke. Maybe it was because he was unsure about how friends acted, though he was sure some friends had a love-hate relationship, and that could be the only thing they had going for them. Or maybe his butt was just too hot and needed a breeze.

Either way, Sasuke decided to be the bigger man and stormed away. **You wanted him to do something like that,** Sasuke thought. **To distance him.**

_Or maybe you're gay._

**Was that Itachi or Jeffrey?**

_Both._

-

After school, the two met up with Gaara at the playground. But they weren't in an especially happy mood, rather, a dark storm cloud seemed to follow them. Sasuke wouldn't look at Naruto, and vice versa.

"What's wrong?" Gaara asked, hoping it would stop so they could play, for they only had two hours.

"Naruto's a bitch," Sasuke explained.

Gaara smiled. "But if he is, he was one yesterday, so why are you acting like this?"

Suddenly, a long moan was let from behind the bunch, and they swiftly turned around to see a man crying on the bench. He didn't look hurt.

"Ugh," Sasuke said, wrinkling a nose. "Green spandex? What horrible fashion sense. He should totally get a make-over."

_Yep, he's gay._

**Shut up!**

"What's wrong with him, though?" Gaara asked.

Naruto yawned. "I'll go see." He walked up to the man, who had slung his arm over his eyes, crying into it.

"Uh, sir," Naruto asked him. "What's wrong?"

"My hair," he sobbed. "is ruined!"

"Why?"

"I got ice cream all over my mane."

Indeed, a long trail of gooey dried chocolate ice cream coated the man's mullet. Naruto wasn't sure he wanted to know just how that happened.

"Uh, why don't you just go to the barber or something?"

"It's a holiday!"

"What? A holiday for barbers?"

"Yes! It's national Go Find More Hairstyles To Master day!"

"Ok," Naruto said, frowning. "Do you want us to help, maybe?" Sasuke and Gaara came up behind him, looking over his shoulder at the man.

The arm that was slung over his face lifted, and the man seemed instantly happy. "You would? Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! My name is Might Guy. Call me Guy."

The three stared for a long moment at the man's face.

"If we do, you have to shave those monster eyebrows," Sasuke said blankly.

"I can't make any promises."

-

So with that, Sasuke raced home to find some scissors, and Gaara found a cloth to use to make sure the hair didn't get on Guy's nice green spandex. Naruto appointed himself as the cutter.

"What?" Sasuke said upon returning, dropping three different scissors to the ground. "He'll have no hair left by the time you finish!"

"Pfft, watch," Naruto said, taking one, and cutting into the man's hair. He cut a clean line, but when the hair fell away, it was ragged and unsightly.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, thought Guy.

"You're doing it all wrong," Gaara said, taking another pair of scissors and slicing delicately around the man's ear. All was well until Guy let out a help, and blood began to trickle from a small cut.

"Gaara!" Sasuke and Naruto cried, prying him away from Guy.

"You'll kill him," Sasuke muttered.

Gaara clenched his fists and began to cry.

"No, that's not nice!" Guy insisted, turning around from sitting on the ground and hugging the boy. "You should be nicer! I'm fine, I'm a ninja!"

At that, Gaara brightened.

"Sorry, Gaara," Naruto said, "That Sasuke's a—"

Naruto received a glare from Sasuke.

"A donkey," Naruto revised.

**Like that's any better,** Sasuke thought.

Silence.

**Hey, nobody answered!**

I will eat your heart. 

**Gah! Itachi!** Sasuke thought.

(Slight spoiler, nothing dramatic) Nah, I'm kidding, foolish Lil' Bro. All I want is your eyes.

**What?**

Nothing.

"Well, I've got to be the best at hair," Sasuke volunteered. "Because I have the best hairstyle here."

You wish.

Ignoring the voice, Sasuke began to cut with the third scissor. He cleanly cut along the length, making sure not to harm Guy. He could feel the eyes of Naruto and Gaara watching.

Finally, he was done. He stood the bib-like cloth off from around Guy's neck and said, "Voila!"

Guy stood, and the three stared at his hairstyle.

"That sucks," Naruto muttered.

"_I _could have done better," Gaara whispered.

"Maybe I should redo it," Sasuke said.

Gah, my eyes, my beautiful, crazy eyes!

_I'm too cool to be seeing this!_

**Shut up, you're not even real.**

How do you know I'm not using a genjutsu to feed these thoughts into you?

Sasuke subtly looked over his shoulder and across the playground.

Ku, ku, ku. Made you look!

Gaara took out a mirror Sasuke had brought and held it up to Guy's face.

"Ah! I love it!" Guy cried, and I mean literally cried, as he saw his new bowl-cut hairstyle. "It's perfect!"

He ran off.

"Wow, so much for thank you," Naruto muttered.

"You don't think anyone would try to copy the hairstyle, right?" Sasuke asked. "Because that thing's hideous."

"Are you kidding?" Naruto laughed. "If somebody tries to copy that, then I'm a Hokage's son."

Sasuke looked over at Naruto. "Hey, we didn't fight too much, for once."

"Yeah," Naruto said, grinning. They looked at each other a moment, and Naruto said, "Hey, so, are we friends, or what?"

Sasuke sighed. "Well, yeah, I guess."

Gaara began to cry.

"You're our friend too!" Naruto said quickly.

"I know," Gaara sobbed. "Guy's emotional level just leaked out a bit, I guess."

-

_Okay, I hope you enjoyed this. No, I'm not Jeffrey. I'm the writer, Lukestur. Anyway, I have, like, five more adventures to go, and I can only think of two currently, and I don't have a really good imagination, so if you want, you can send me some ideas of yours. I do need help. This one was actually kind of crappy, but I couldn't think of much else cuz the other two have to come later._

_And, also, I'm not quite certain how many spoilers I've let out. Nothing bad, I don't think. From now on, I'll warn you. But things like Naruto saying, "Yeah, right, and I'm a Hokage's son!" and stuff like that I don't really count. No one has to believe that, because it really is a rumor…mostly. I think it's true._

_See you next time!_


	8. Chronicle 3: Tuesday: Detention!

The morning classes were boring as usual for Naruto, and he missed everything Iruka said. But he couldn't block out what the other kids were saying.

"I heard that guy with the weird spandex got attacked." "By who?" "They say the mutant third kid of the Kazekage." "No way!" "Yeah. Chopped off his hair like it was nothing. Cut his ear off. Gave him a horrible haircut."

Naruto didn't dare say anything. Kids would be kids, and gossip was to be expected. And what was he going to say, anyway? That it wasn't true, when technically it was? Gaara had cut Guy's hair, cut his ear. Only he wasn't a mutant and he hadn't attacked Guy.

Like it made any difference to these idiots.

The only other gossip racing around the lunch table that day was that Sasuke and Naruto were actually kind of friends now. Only, Naruto didn't hear them speak about it because he was at a different table, alone with Sasuke.

"Sasuke," he said between munches of his thermos-heated ramen, "If everyone likes you, why aren't you friends with anyone?"

"I hate people," Sasuke answered darkly.

"Then why me?"

"You're an idiot. You don't count."

Naruto didn't know what to say to that, so he stuck out his tongue.

"Hey, Sasuke?" he asked.

"Yeah?"

"What's gonna happen when Gaara leaves? We might never see him again."

Sasuke was silent. Honestly, he had no idea.

Suddenly, there was a scuffle at another table, and loud noises erupted.

"You're a liar! You didn't see no Kazekage kid!"

"I so did! He was gigantic and had snakes crawling out his butt and ears!"

"Yeah, right!"

Idiots. That's Orochimaru, not Gaara.

**Who?**

Eh, no one, Sasuke.

Naruto grunted angrily. "How could they say that about Gaara?" he muttered furiously. "That's not him at all."

"They're idiots," Sasuke said, trying to calm him down. "There's nothing we can—"

"I'll teach them a lesson!"

Half an hour later, Naruto and Sasuke were in the principal's office, with Naruto sobbing over a gash in his hand.

"You big baby," Sasuke muttered, staring at the blood trickling out.

Naruto sniffled and try to shut himself up, but failed.

"Come here, Naruto," said a kind voice, that of the school nurse, from her office just outside the principal's.

Naruto stumbled out of the room, leaving Sasuke alone to wait for the principal.

You care about him.

**I do not!**

_You do so. Kill him. Caring for people is a weakness._

**It is not!**

Yeah, it is, trust me.

Just then, the door creaked open, and in came not just the principal, Ms. Bittcheebott (Most kids called her "Ms. Bitchy Butt") but the Hokage and the Kazekage.

Sasuke gulped. Shit.

"Ah, Sasuke," said the Third, smiling. "Have you been in trouble?"

"The other kids started it," Sasuke stammered. "And Naruto, too!"

"You're going to tattle on your friend?" said the Kazekage, a young, brown-haired fellow with a sneer permanently imprinted on his face. "What a coward."

Sasuke found himself seething with rage. This was Gaara's father. The one who commanded him to stay locked up all the time. And he was going to shoot insults at _him?_

"You," Sasuke muttered darkly, narrowing his eyes with rage.

"What?" The Fourth asked nonchalantly.

"Gaara's my friend," Sasuke burst, unable to hold himself back.

To his surprise, the Kazekage wasn't the least bit shocked. "So, you were the ones he was sneaking out to see? I thought he just went out to remind himself that he was alive."

Sasuke didn't understand, but he didn't care. "Gaara hates you!" Gaara had never said so, but it seemed obvious.

The Third didn't know what to do. The Kazekage told him, "Sarutobi, why don't you and Ms. Bittcheebot leave us in peace? I have something to tell the boy. And, also, bring that Naruto kid in. I think he should hear this too."

At that, the Third sighed and left with the irritated Bitchy Butt and after a moment the sniffling Naruto returned, hand bandaged nicely.

He sat beside Sasuke, and the Fourth sat behind a big mahogany desk. "Did Gaara ever tell you," he said after a moment, "How he was born?"

"His mother died at childbirth, right?" Sasuke answered. Naruto had forgotten, of course.

"Yes. Because he is a monster," the man growled. Sasuke and Naruto cringed, and a low heat erupted in Naruto's stomach that could be nothing but pure rage smoldering.

"Grr," he started to mutter.

"I don't understand," Sasuke said, gripping Naruto's arm, which sent blood to his hand, making it pulse with pain, which in turn made Naruto yelp, and was silenced.

"When Gaara was born, my village decided he would be made into our ultimate weapon." The Kazekage smirked. "It was such great plan. We had an ancient priest locked within a teakettle, and its power, imbued within a human child, would be unstoppable."

**Well, that's not odd or creepy or anything.**

If you think that's bad, you should see Zetsu.

Naruto gasped, his mouth making a wide O shape. The Kazekage continued. "So that's what we did. While Gaara was still in the womb, we implanted within him this monster. The one-tailed Shukaku demon. It allows Gaara to control sand any way he likes. That's what he carries within his gourd."

"And Gaara," Sasuke said quietly, "is now your ultimate weapon?"

"Well," the Kazekage said darkly, "He would be. If he could just control himself. But this power is too much for the poor boy. Even now, when the moon is full, he tends to lose control…and the demon emerges…"

It was obvious to Sasuke what he meant to do. Scare them off, to never talk to Gaara again. But why? Did he want them to stay away from him, to keep them safe? Because he didn't want to grant Gaara happiness?

What a monster! Itachi growled within Sasuke's head.

**You're one to talk.**

"Why can't Gaara sleep?" Naruto asked suddenly.

"Well, that's just it," the Kazekage said. "If he does, the monster will fully awaken, at eat at his personality until whoever Gaara might have been…" he paused. "Disappears."

"You bastard!" Naruto cried, jumping from his seat and springing himself at the man. Of course, he had been ready. He was a Kage, after all. Naruto's fist flew into his ready palm and he was sent flying across the room when the Kage pushed forward.

Naruto landed with a dull thud against the back wall, coughing horribly. Sasuke jumped up and was at his side, clutching his arm helplessly.

The Fourth stood. "That's the story of Gaara. He is a monster. If you value your life, you'll stay away from him."

He left, and the Hokage returned.

"You'll spend the rest of the day," he said solemnly, "In in-school suspension. We're not sure who the other kids were that you fought with, so you'll be the only ones to receive punishment."

_The world is such a fair place, ain't it, Sasuke?_

**Why won't you just leave me alone?**

_You're too much fun. Now, I can't talk right now, because me and Itachi are gonna play pin the mask on the Madara._

**Well, excuse me, **Sasuke thought as he and Naruto were escorted to a small room, alone, to spend their time. No one was appointed to look after them yet, so they had a good twenty minutes before anyone would be sent to watch them.

Sasuke helped Naruto to a seat, since he was still coughing horribly, and let himself fall heavily into his own.

"Damn," Sasuke said quietly. "Who would of thought that _that _was what made Gaara different?"

"Poor guy," Naruto said, finally ending his coughing fit.

"Naruto, maybe this is a sign," Sasuke said thoughtfully.

"What? That bastards could do this sort of thing to their own children in this world?"

"No. Maybe…maybe we should stop hanging out with Gaara."

Naruto looked up, astonished. "What are you talking about? Gaara is our friend. I can't believe you'd say something like that."

"But it's possible—"

"Gaara won't hurt us," Naruto said firmly. "He's our friend. Sasuke, you think you're the first to think this about Gaara? Did you see him? He hasn't had a friend or someone who loved him his entire life. All because of his bastard father. We need to be there for him."

Sasuke realized he finally understood. Being alone was one of the hardest things that could ever happen to a person. It was a horrible place, being in the core of isolation, especially if it's because of something you couldn't control. Itachi was the one who'd taught him this pain.

Hey, it made you smarter, Itachi griped.

**It made me mentally scarred and a revenge-crazed lunatic.**

_Hey, at least you admitted it._

Aha! I got the mask on him! I did it!

"Alright," Sasuke agreed. "You're right. We need to be his friend. He's a good kid."

Just then, a knock was heard at the window. They both turned to see Gaara's face peering in through the open window. "Let's get outta here," he said.

"Ha! Yeah!" Naruto agreed.

**Maybe this isn't such a bad idea, **thought Sasuke. **Maybe we can be friends. Maybe I'll learn something new. Who knows?**

_I know!_

**No, you don't, Jeffrey.**

_I do so! I have connections with the writer._

**Oh, really?**

_Yeah. She says that Jeffrey is the most awesome, coolest character in this whole story. _

And she said I was the hottest person in all the world.

**I feel unloved.**

-

_Heh. Itachi is the hottest person in all of the Naruto world, that is for sure, Kakashi being a close second. But Jeffrey isn't my favorite character in my story. It's Sasuke and Naruto. _

**Hah! Wait, Naruto too?**

_And Gaara, too, a bit. Gaara is actually one of my favorite characters and Sasuke my least, but in this story, it's switched._

_See you!_


	9. Chronicle 4: Wednesday: Powers!

Wednesday was an unofficial holiday, due to the fact that someone had accidentally left a dent in the cafeteria wall and several cafeteria staff were in therapy (Naruto and Sasuke's doing). And, not only that, since Gaara's father now knew of his antics, he was allowed to come and go as he pleased. So, basically, the whole day was theirs.

Naruto awoke slowly to the feel of feathers. How strange, he thought, to be awoken by feathers. Strange…feels good…kinda…ticklish…

Naruto started to wriggle and writhe, laughing. "Stop it, stop it!"

He heard a giggle. "Naruto's ticklish!"

The feathers stopped, and Naruto opened his eyes to see Sasuke smirking and Gaara smiling.

"How'd you get into my house?"

"It's not that hard, Naruto. You leave your door unlocked." Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"It smells in here!" Gaara noted.

"How'd you know I lived here?" Naruto asked.

"Well, you know," Sasuke said quietly. "The villagers."

Naruto bit his lip at the thought of what they might have said about him and swung his legs over the side. "Well, whatever. I gotta get dressed." He checked his clock. "Gah! It's only seven!"

Sasuke shrugged. "Gaara found out where I lived and woke me up. You know, he's so eager to play. He said he couldn't sleep again."

Naruto nodded solemnly. They'd found out the truth about Gaara, but they didn't share their knowledge with him. What good would it have done? It would be better to act as if they knew nothing.

Gaara laughed. "Ah, sorry. I was just excited. What should we do today?"

"We're going to go out to breakfast," Naruto said.

"Where?" Sasuke asked.

"A place that's good for the whole family. It's feeling good in the neighborhood!"

"Applebee's?" Gaara asked, skeptical.

"Nope."

Half an hour later, they arrived at Ichiraku ramen. Naruto had insisted that Sasuke pay for their meals. Sasuke reluctantly agreed, because Gaara had no money and he couldn't trust where the delinquent Naruto had gotten his.

_Aw, little Sasuke loves his friends!_

**I do not! **Sasuke shouted in his head.

You so do. Kill them, Sasuke, kill them.

**That's it. You guys are going in my Death Note. **

_But, technically, we're you, Sasuke. Voices in your head. Instead of a heart attack, you'll have a brain attack!_

Pfft! Good one, Jeff!

"I do not have voices in my head!" Sasuke shouted. Gaara and Naruto stared at him.

"That's good for you," Naruto said. "Now, Sasuke, give me 1000 yen."

They ate their ramen happily, munching not only on food but Sasuke's precious money.

Upon leaving the stand, they had a whole morning together, then lunch, then the afternoon. There were so many possibilities, Naruto felt overwhelmed.

"We could build a fort! Make a secret pact to be friends forever! Or, or, play ninja! I could a Hokage, Gaara could be Kazekage, and Sasuke could be the rowdy Academy student we like to beat up!"

Sasuke glared. "That's idiotic. And a pact to be friends forever sounds kinda…well…girly."

"You're one to talk, Mr. Hairstylist," Gaara teased.

"Wha-at! Shut up!" Sasuke brought his fist down onto Gaara's head, as he meant to _boink_ him. But, his hand never connected. Well, it did, but not on the cushioned hair of Gaara's head, but the dense, grainy substance called sand.

It had, seemingly supernaturally, sprouted from the ground, covering Gaara's head like a shield.

Sasuke was speechless. **So, this is what the Kazekage was talking about, **Sasuke thought.

It gets worse than that.

**Shut up, I'm not talking to you.**

Technically, you're thinking.

**Itachi Uchiha…hit by a bus…8:12.**

Wow, you're so hilarious. You should be a comedian.

**I could be a ventriloquist, and you could be my dummy.**

That's your worst joke ever, Sasuke.

Gaara was making a weird noise. It sounded between that of embarrassment and fear. No doubt he was thinking, now they know! They'll hate me for sure! I must be so scary!

Sasuke realized this, so he decided to laugh it off, and said, "So, this is what makes you feared? You kidding? It's awesome."

Gaara was more than a little surprised. "But, I'm dangerous."

"You haven't done anything so far," Naruto reminded him.

"No, you don't understand…" Gaara pouted. "It gets worse."

**That's what she said, **Sasuke thought, meaning Itachi.

Sasuke, you're not cool, no matter how hard you try. So stop.

Sasuke looked at Naruto, and Naruto looked back. Should they say anything?

Sasuke's gone soft.

_Was he ever tough?_

Good point.

"Gaara," Sasuke muttered, "We know about you. Your father told us."

"What?"

And so they told Gaara of their little adventure in the principal's office.

"What!" Gaara said. "Oh no, you know! You must hate me!"

"We found that out yesterday," Naruto said, rolling his eyes. "Don't you think we'd have told you by now if we cared?"

"You mean, you don't?" Gaara asked, astounded.

"Nah!" Naruto said. "But, we would care even less if you played ninja with us."

And so came the waterworks.

While they comforted Gaara, they were unaware of a presence above the Adult Novels store, looking down on them with interest. No, it was not Kakashi or Jiraiya, but someone evil.

Itachi!

Haha, no, it's not me. I'm too busy partying with Kisame to hang out above pron shops.

No, he was a little less evil that that. It was…

The Fourth Kazekage!

What did he want, and why was he watching them?

"Heh," he said to himself. "Even Gaara is forgetting the most important part of his curse." He smirked. "Tonight is a full moon!"

"Dad," said Kankuro behind him, "Why are you talking to yourself? Can we please go home?"

"Yes," the Kage said. "I'm done here."

"Ok," Temari said. "You're not weird at all, Dad."

"Hellz yeah, bitch."

To be continued….

-

_Heh. Heh. Hahahahahahahah! That's so hilarious to me! I love Death Note. L's cooler than Kira, though. Misa would be cool, if she wasn't such a puppy to Light. _

_Ok, so the day is not over yet. There is a full moon ahead! Oh noez!_


	10. Chronicle 5: Wednesday: Friends!

"We're human!"

"We're dancers!"

"We're human!"

"WE'RE DANCERS!"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP?!" Sasuke yelled. This had been going on nearly a half hour. It was almost lunch time, and it seemed they would never give up.

"How can a dancer not be human?" Gaara pointed out.

"Animals dance."

"But humans are animals!"

_Yes, think of humans as animals, Sasuke._

Yes, that's what I did.

Sasuke was going crazy. His two friends were fighting each other with such zeal over something trivial, and his enemy/older brother wasn't shutting up anytime soon.

**Am I going crazy? **Sasuke asked the two voices in his head openly. He wouldn't deny their existence for the time being.

_Well, you can't blame yourself. Your whole family and clan was slaughtered before your eyes._

Good times, good times.

"Guys," Sasuke said warily, "Can we please just go for lunch? Then we can play ninja or whatever the hell you want."

"Promise?" they asked in unison.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I promise, bestest friends!" he said sarcastically. _(Ha, imagine Sasuke saying that!)_

So they left for lunch. Naruto vehemently hoped for Ichiraku ramen, but Sasuke was adamant. "I can't take any more of that disgusting stuff!"

All the way to the spicy food store, Naruto argued passionately for the pride of ramen.

The rest of the afternoon was spent playing ninja. Sasuke reluctantly agreed to be the "rowdy Academy student" while Gaara acted as the Kazekage and Naruto bravely as Fifth Hokage.

They were having so much fun—rather, Gaara and Naruto had fun chasing Sasuke around—that they failed to realize the hours ticking by, and soon the full moon was rising above the tops of the homes of Konohagakure.

Gaara was the first to realize it, of course.

"Wah! Look at the moon!" he cried out, and they realized it had to be at least eight at night.

**If mother were alive, I would have been called home already.**

She didn't call you home _that _night, though, did she, boy?

Sasuke fought anger. He wasn't real. There were no voices within his mind.

_Stop fighting the truth, Sasi. You will feel more at ease if you did. _

**Sasi? Oh, hell no. No pet names!**

_Too late, Sasi! You gonna kill Naru-Naru or Gaagi yet?_

**Naru-Naru I understand, but Gaagi?**

"The moon is too high in the sky," Gaara whispered, shutting his eyes as if to rid him of the sight. "I have to go home!"

"Why?" Naruto asked, and Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"You know why! My blood…it…" Gaara shook himself. "I must go!"

"Your bastard father," Naruto muttered. "If he hadn't…" he clenched his fist.

Naruto yelped. The wound on his hand from the day before had opened, and a trail of dark red blood leaked from Naruto's wound.

"No!" Sasuke cried, and tried to hide Naruto's hand. But it was too late. Gaara cried out at the sight, clutching the sides of his head. He fell to the ground.

Sasuke could not have seen a thing more scary in his life than what followed that cry. Not even Itachi had been as scary as this. In the fading light of the sun and moonshine, Gaara began to mutate in a most frightening way. It was like Thriller except without the dancing and Michael Jackson.

If you want it to be like Thriller, I'll just go get Orochimaru, Itachi laughed, but even his voice sounded scared.

**Why are you scared? **Sasuke inquired. **I'm the one in trouble.**

Exactly! I worry about you!

**Huh?**

Er, I mean, if you die, I die, fool!

Naruto let out a cry of fear. Alone in the fields next to the pond and playground, the two boys stood frozen in terror as their best friend started to mutate into something obscene.

_I knew he was a mutant._

Half of Gaara's face was reduced to a mushy-looking form with purple veins racing across its length. His inhuman cry rang in Sasuke and Naruto's ears as is arm morphed as well.

"We need to get outta here," Sasuke told Naruto. "We need to go, find the Hokage—or the Kazekage—"

"No," Naruto said strongly, though fearfully. "We're his friends. I'm not gonna let some ninja do all sorts of things to get him back to normal!"

"But then, what do we do?" Sasuke asked.

Another cry that made them cringe with fear. A tail was starting to form.

"We need to do something now!" Sasuke cried. "It's our only chance! But what?"

Naruto bit his lip. Yes, really, what could they do? They'd never fought nor seen a force such as this. How could they possibly counteract such a mutation?

**I don't think I'm going to try to kill someone like him, **Sasuke thought warily.

Sasuke, run. You don't have a chance. You'll be killed.

_Do as he says! You won't survive if you stay here any longer!_

Sasuke started to tremble. Fear gripped him. **Come on, Naruto, do something!**

_Yes, Naru-Naru, save us!_

Go, Nine-Tailed Fox!

**What?**

Nothing…

Naruto stood there, looking at the transforming Gaara. He bit his lip harder, and blood started to flow.

"Gaara, stop this," Naruto said weakly. Gaara cried out again; he hadn't heard Naruto.

"Gaara! Stop!"

The boy looked up, holding his head as tears of pain and suffering rolled down his cheeks.

"You can overcome it," Naruto pleaded. "You can! Gaara, you're strong! You can do it! We're here for you!"

"Y-yeah," Sasuke agreed, muscles tensing. "We're here for you. We'll help you."

With that, the boys approached Gaara slowly, and proceeded in hugging him harshly, a three-way hug.

Gaara started to thrash, then ceased resisting, and hung, a deadweight, in their arms. The mutated parts receded, and all that was left was a crying, shaking Gaara.

He sobbed and cried, and the three collapsed, still hugging each other.

"Just so you know," Sasuke coughed, "I'm not gay."

The three giggled weakly.

"I think you guys should know something," Naruto said.

"What?" Gaara and Sasuke asked.

"I wet myself."

The three jumped away from each other, and in the darkness, Naruto was glad no one could see his wet spot.

Gaara knelt to the ground, breathing hard. He had always believed that not a thing in the world could stop his transformation. Yet, two kids he'd met just the other day had ceased his progression into monsterhood and saved him from oblivion.

They're meager friends, Gaara thought. One's a dumb blond with no talent, the other's a self-righteous jerk that has voices in his head. They weren't much.

But Gaara was just fine with that.

-

_Hah! The tenth chapter! In what, two days? I write a lot…jeez…_

_Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter of Naruto and the Mystery Boy. I'm starting to think that that wasn't the best name for this story. Still, I guess I'll have to make due. I don't want to have to change it. _

_I wonder how many more chapters there'll be? Probably only a few, since there aren't many days left until Gaara's departure. _

_See ya!_


	11. Chronicle 6: Thursday: Competition!

"Best friend competition?" Sasuke read aloud from the pamphlet he held that he had received from Naruto.

Naruto nodded.

It was after school on Thursday, and they hadn't much to do. But it seemed that very day a type of festivity would be starting—in five minutes, across town.

"Why should we go there?" Sasuke asked, reading carefully.

It read, in the summary: _Do you want to see which of your best friends is the better? This unofficial contest will be held at 4:30 on Thursday afternoon. A person can select a group of friends to compete for his or her favor._

_And then they can kill them, _Jeffrey added mentally.

Easy way to find out which of your friends to kill, Sasuke, Itachi noted.

**Oh, shut up, **Sasuke mumbled in his head.

"You guys can finally have the fight of your lives to see which one gets to be my bestest friend!" Naruto laughed, dancing around with the pamphlet.

"I'll do no such thing," Sasuke exclaimed. "Over my dead body."

That can be arranged.

_Oh, come on, Sasuke. You'll totally win the hairstylist contest! _

**I'm not gay!**

_What does hairstyling have to do with gayness? Can't a man like hairstyles as well?_

Jeffrey used to have his own salon back in Nam, Itachi explained.

_Why, Mother? _The voice moaned. _I was just trying to fulfill my dreams!_

**You know what, **Sasuke thought. **I hope you voices are real. Because my mind thinking up that ridiculous story is worse than having voices in my head!**

Naruto pouted. "Fine, Sasuke. Then you'll just have to fight over me with Gaara, a full-scale battle."

Run, white boy!

Gaara shook his head. "No, no. That won't do." Gaara sighed and thought. "I'd like to participate…but…"

"Let's fight it for Gaara," Sasuke suggested. "You and me. You want to see if you're better than me, right, Naruto? Here's your chance."

Gaara brightened at the thought. But Naruto pouted. "But, Sasuke, you'll be uncertain the rest of your life if you're the best friend I could have."

Nah, he'll find out right after you die.

_Come on, Sasuke, kill him. He's so annoying. Foxy boy. _

**I do not think of Naruto that way!**

_Er…that's not what I meant…_

"Yeah, yeah, boo hoo," Sasuke muttered. "Come on, let's hurry up. We got, like, a minute."

"Want to get there really fast?" Gaara asked ominously.

"Wha-what do you mean?" Sasuke stammered.

Will we ride your demon's back?

_Yes, free Willie! _

**Ugh…ew, I have no comeback for that.**

_How about, "I hope it's big!" Then again, anything is bigger than yours…_

Damn straight. One time, when we were changing into our bathing suits to swim at the ocean with Mother and Father, I caught a glimpse.

_No way! What did you see?!_

Nothing! There was nothing there!

**Itachi! You swore you wouldn't tell!**

"I mean, with my sand, I can get us there like that," he said, snapping his fingers.

"But people will see!" Naruto objected.

"No, we'll take back roads," Gaara assured him. "And we won't make it if we don't. Let's go."

So, with that, Gaara summoned upon his mighty demon powers to command the sand and dirt from beneath their feet to come together and form a small platform to which they sat upon.

"Let's go, Bessie!" Naruto called to the wind.

Gaara and Sasuke stared.

"Sorry. Impulse. Now, go!"

-

They arrived a few minutes late at a field outside Konoha. It was beautiful, and the sun was slowly lowering in the sky, giving the field an orange glow.

Sasuke picked up a schedule after registering them at the large desk set up on the side of the field. He read aloud: "'The chosen friend will sit as a judge. He will decide which of his friends is the one to gain the point for that round. There will be five rounds, and the one with the most rounds by the end wins.'"

As Sasuke and Naruto prepped themselves for this battle of their friend abilities, a certain annoying, no-life, weird-ass Kazekage looked on within the darkness of the trees.

"They have no idea that I set up this entire thing," the man chuckled darkly to himself. "Yes, I was the one who left the pamphlet for Naruto to find. My men are now hosting this entire scene! They will make it impossible for them to win! There will be controversy within their group and they will ultimately split up! Muahaha!"

"Did Dad get his medicine today?" Temari asked Kankuro.

"I hope so. I didn't dip it into the toilet for nothing, did I?"

"Maybe that's why he's acting so weird, Kankuro."

"Temari, don't you remember the time before he got those pills? A certain 'misunderstanding' between our father and a certain 'candy cane'?"

"Ugh. Don't remind me."

-

_What the heck? A candy cane? I do NOT want to know! Also, I referred to Nam during this chapter, which, if you're not up to speed, is short for "Vietnam" as in, being there during the war and such. It doesn't make sense, but what does in this story? And I thought it sounded cool. I hoped you enjoyed this installment. The second half of Thursday will be here shortly. Thank you!_


	12. Chronicle 7: Thursday: Falling!

"Ok, everyone," said a loud voice at the large desk. Gaara, Naruto and Sasuke turned to look.

**What do you mean, everyone? **Sasuke wondered. **We're the only ones here!**

It was true. No one else had arrived, so it seemed they would be the only ones participating.

It's like a graveyard. Itachi muttered. I love graveyards.

**I'm sure you do, you filled one up pretty fast, if I do recall.**

"Today you will be partaking in a tournament to see who is the better friend. A battle of wits and skill will definitely be going on here. The rounds are, in order: Shogi, climbing trees, knowledge, haircutting, and last of all, eating."

_I knew there would be hairstyling! Let me do everything!_

**The hell? They have nothing to do with each other! Either whoever created this contest is a stupid loser, or the writer has run out of ideas.**

I think it's both. She told me.

_No! She told me! I'm the best character!_

Then why didn't you say something earlier about it?

_Because I wanted to make you feel good about yourself. _

I don't think I'm the one who needs higher self-esteem, Mr. Vietnamese Beautician.

_Why, Mother? Why? _

"Now, will everyone please come over to the left side of the field to where the Shogi table is?"

"This is ridiculous," Sasuke muttered, trudging over with his friends.

"I'm horrible at Shogi," Naruto complained.

"Yeah, this isn't as fun as I thought it would be," Gaara said.

"Oh, well! We'll just have to do our best!" Naruto cried, racing over.

"If only I had that kind of stamina," Sasuke muttered.

Doesn't matter. Girls still won't like you in bed.

_Burn!_

Naruto sat at the side facing town, and Sasuke sat opposite. The board was like a chess board, except with weird pieces instead. Gaara sat between them, staring at the board.

"Uh, how do you play?" Naruto asked after a moment.

Sasuke sighed. "It's the same thing as chess, except cooler."

(_Listen, I looked up Shogi online. It's that game Shikamaru always plays all the time. But it looks complicated, and I don't really want to have to explain it. So we're just going to pretend it's the same thing as chess, for the sake of the story, ok? Not politically correct, but you'll live.)_

This was a battle of wits, knowledge, skill, and strategy. So, naturally, Sasuke won.

"Pfft, that took five minutes," Sasuke laughed.

Yes, Sasuke, laugh. Make him laugh with you. Make him trust you…

_Then discreetly chop off his head. Easy peasy, lemon sqeezey. _

**Easier said than done. **

So you're thinking about it?

**No! I am not!**

_You so are!_

**Am not!**

_Yes you are, yes you are!_

**No wonder your mother didn't approve.**

_Why, Mother, why?_

**Heh. **

That was harsh, Sasuke.

**Mother always liked me best, Itachi. **

And you wonder why I killed her.

**Touché, you bastard.**

"Well, obviously, Sasuke gets the point," Gaara declares.

"Ugh, I hate you, Gay Hairstylist!" Naruto whined.

"Hey, it's Mr. Gay Hairstylist to you!" Sasuke cried.

_I knew it._

I knew it. 

"I knew it," Naruto gasped.

"I knew it," Gaara gasped.

"I totally could have guessed that," the Kazekage said from the trees.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "No, wait, I didn't mean—"

"It's too late, Sasuke, we got you!"

"No, wait!"

After ten minutes of angry arguing, the next round began.

"Now you must climb trees," said the squat, brown-haired host. He led them into the woods to two twin trees that were the tallest any of the boys had ever seen.

"I'm straight, not curvy, so I'll get up there fastest," Naruto joked to Sasuke. _(That was a horrible orientation joke by me, in case you couldn't figure it out.)_

**Naruto…fell off tree…dies screaming in agony…40 seconds from now…**

I knew you had it in you, Sasuke.

"Go!"

Sasuke and Naruto were startled by the sudden start but didn't hesitate to grab onto the thick vines surrounding the trees and thick branches in order to quickly haul themselves upward.

The trees were huge and awfully rough, cutting into the boys' hands, but they persevered. They climbed stealthily and deftly, even Naruto.

Sasuke was so absorbed in his work that it took him a moment to process that Naruto had stopped climbing up his tree.

"Naruto! Let's go!" Sasuke called, motioning for him to continue climbing.

"What does it matter to you?" Naruto called, hugging the tree. "I'm afraid of heights! Just go ahead! Go ahead and win if you want!

"You'll be way behind in points!" Sasuke called down.

"So?" Naruto trembled, grinning weakly.

"This isn't you, Naruto. You usually work your hardest at this sort of thing! You never give up!"

Naruto shrugged, but in doing so, lost his grip on the tree. In a split second of horror, Sasuke watched as Naruto, in slow-motion, fell backwards.

Catch him!

**I thought you wanted me to kill him!**

Yeah, kill him. Not let him die!

_Yeah! Go, you gay homeboy!_

So Sasuke did. He jumped from his spot, and, as if diving, raced through the air to Naruto.

Naruto was completely silent. The way down was long, since the trees were gigantic, but in no time Sasuke caught up with Naruto and wrapped an arm around his hip.

**Now what? **Sasuke wondered, looking around. All the trees were too far away to grab onto.

The ground was racing toward them. Naruto shut his eyes against the sight, since they were both facing the ground. A horrible feeling rose in Sasuke's throat, which he was sure was bile.

Suddenly, a light, grainy feeling erupted around his stomach. Like little particles were beating against him.

Suddenly, they were floating in midair, their midsections covered in dirty sand, that seemed to be holding them up.

**Oh, yeah, **Sasuke remembered. **Gaara!**

Gaara had been waiting below, watching in horror, and then relief as he was able to protect his friends from agonizing deaths.

Gaara defied the Death Note, Itachi noted.

**What? This whole thing was not my doing!**

Either way, he's good. A good comrade to have.

Sasuke and Naruto were lowered to the ground slowly, where Gaara immediately hugged them so hard they thought their spines were going to crack.

After such a violent bear hug, Gaara proclaimed, "Sasuke wins for being a hero!"

"I didn't really do anything," Sasuke said, embarrassed.

Naruto stared at him. He asked, quietly, "Why did you do that, Sasuke? Because I'm important to you, or something?"

"Don't kid yourself!" Sasuke cried. "I—I—you were gonna die! I couldn't let you die!"

"But you could of died yourself," Gaara pointed out.

_And though Sasuke wouldn't let himself admit it, he felt glad his friend was alive, and sure that he'd done what he'd done because Gaara and Naruto were both very precious to him. _

**No narrating me, Jeffrey. **

_Sasuke turned to his friends and shrugged. "I guess I love you more than I thought," he said passionately. _

**Jeffrey acted young and carefree on the outside, but inside he was a small boy crying out for help. His mother had abandoned him and his dream of hairstylism and his father had turned gay, and such a childhood had scarred him viciously. **

Hairstylism? Good God, Sasuke.

**Well, excuse me, Mr. Weasel.**

That's cruel.

**And you're not?**

Touché. 

"Sasuke? Sasuke? Sasuke!" Sasuke slowly became aware of an annoying, scratchy voice erupting in his mind.

"You looked dazed for a second," Gaara told him.

Sasuke blushed. "Er, forget about it! If you want, I'll never try to save your life again!" he said hurriedly to Naruto, then turned and ran off to meet the next challenge.

"You think he really has voices in his head?" Naruto asked Gaara.

"I wouldn't be surprised," Gaara answered.

-

"Damn," said the Kazekage, holding up a feather. "I had planned to tickle one of the boys, but they foiled me!"

"You could have killed them!" Kankuro objected.

"Father, don't you have places to be?" Temari asked.

The Kazekage stared down his daughter. "'And don't you have places to be?'" he mimicked. "And don't you have places to shut the hell up?"

Temari sighed. "Kankuro, do we still have the rat poison from our last infestation?"

"We sure do, sis, we sure do."


	13. Chronicle 8: Thursday: Knowledge!

"Next up: knowledge!"  
"Oh, shit," Naruto huffed, hanging his head.  
"Alright!" Sasuke exclaimed, pumping a fist into the air.  
I haven't seen you so excited since I told you we could watch _The Princess Diaries _on your birthday!  
_Oh, I have the special edition!_  
**Ok, Jeff, that's not weird at all...**  
_You're the one who watched them on your birthday! Hypocrite! Shun the non-believer! Shun!  
_Shu~un!  
**You guys need a hobby.**  
_I'm so lonely.  
_ "You will be asked ten five questions about your prized friend separately, and whoever answers the most questions correctly, wins!"  
With that, the two contestants were handed twin pieces of paper and were shooed off to separate ends of the long desk that inhabited the field.  
_1) How do you spell your friend's name?  
_Naruto smirked. He spelt, "Gahra."_  
_ Sasuke rolled his eyes. He said to no one, "When setting the rules of grammar to work, the correct answer would obviously be, 'Gaara'"  
_Sasuke, it's one thing to think to random people in your head, but saying it out loud is just...just wrong!_  
**Pfft. Like I care. No one's around to hear.  
**From the midst of the trees behind Sasuke, the Kazekage chuckled to himself. "He talks to himself? That's crazy."  
"Dad, _you_ do that," Temari muttered, helping Kankuro with the funnel to pour the rat poison into their father's Red Bull.  
_2) What was the first thing you thought about the other?  
_"How cool I thought he was," Sasuke wrote.  
You thought about random things in that gourd of his, Itachi grumbled.  
**But they'll never know, **Sasuke explained.  
"What was the first thing I thought about?" Naruto asked himself. He wrote, "I thought his gourd was full of swamp water."  
Naruto nodded, satisfied. "Yep, points for honesty."  
_3) What is this person's favorite color?_  
Sasuke stared at that question. "Sand-color," he wrote uncertainly.  
Naruto smiled. He'd seen Gaara's hesitation to play in the sand. He didn't like sand, obviously. So what was the color furthest from that? Not red, because that represented blood. "Blue."  
_4) If this person was a drink, what would he/she be?_  
Sasuke thought. "Caffeine-free Coke. Because he doesn't have much energy on the outside, but on the inside, he's bubbling!"  
That was actually kinda good, Sasuke.**  
My estranged brother is complimenting me?!  
**What you just said was mean because it details Gaara's inner demon.  
Sasuke sweat-dropped. **Too late now.**  
Naruto smiled. "Cool-Aid. Super sweet, super cool." Ok, it was cutsey and a little gay, but to Naruto, it was true.  
_5) Why are they precious to you?_  
Sasuke was taken aback. What kind of question was that? Not one he wanted to answer. He gritted his teeth and wrote truthfully, "Gaara is a good friend, and a person one cannot help but like." Unless you really care if someone carries a demon within them. "His friendship is one many miss out on and I feel lucky to be one of his attachments. He is kind and nice, and I would hate to see him alone."  
_Truly heartfelt.  
_I feel the gayness.  
**Grrr, **Sasuke griped.  
Naruto smiled and instantly wrote, "Gaara is awesome. And he's like me. I don't have many friends either, so we click. I really love the little guy."  
The host collected the papers and handed them to Gaara to read and grade.  
Gaara read at first feeling rather calm, but soon he was almost over the edge, eyes burning. Though Naruto's spelling was pitiful, and it ws doubtful Sasuke thought he had looked cool, it was still an emotional time for Gaara. Sasuke and Naruto, standing before him, couldn't help feeling astonished.  
"It's just a paper," Sasuke said, waving a hand as if to dismiss it. "Nothing to get excited over."  
"Yeah, don't cry for us," Naruto added.  
Gaara threw the papers away and grabbed his friends roughly, giving them a quick bear-hug. "A point to each," Gaara sniffed.  
"I'm sorry," said the host man. "That's not possible--"  
"Do it," Gaara growled, staring down the man. He squeaked and scurried away with the papers.  
"I have three points and Naruto one," Sasuke said triumphantly. "And there's only two contests. Unless something like this happens again, Naruto, all you can hope to do is tie me."  
Naruto glared. "I'm gonna get all the points in the world!" Naruto declared, stamping his foot and staring Sasuke straight-on. Sasuke stuck up his nose snootily.  
"Don't you dare do that to me!" Naruto cried.  
Gaara smiled. My friends, he thought. My cooky, weird, idiotic friends. My precious friends.  
This whole competition had no meaning anymore as far as Gaara was concerned. They were both his friends. They were both his comrades. And that's how he was sure they would stay.

_I'm sorry for the delay. I had no time the past few days to write anything. And then when I did, I found the trial version of Word had given out, and now I have to work on Google Documents, which, to me, sucks to the high heavens. I'm so angry right now. Sorry if some things are different from my other chapters, there are some things I could do on Word that I can't do here. Note: Chronicle Thursday might be on for a while. At least another chapter, maybe more._


	14. Chronicle 9: Thursday: Sasukes Parents!

_I feel pretty, oh so pretty..._

I feel pretty, and witty, and...

**Yeah, yeah, gay.**

We know you know, Brother. But you were the one to say "gay", not us.

**Fine, let's sing another song. This is the song that doesn't end...**

Oh, God, no!

**It goes on and on my friend...**

Sasuke continued to sing to himself in his head as the host of this Friendship Brawl explained the rules of the hairstyling competition.

"You will be given the model of a head; a styrofoam model, mind you..."

**Some people started singing it...**

"And you will have an hour to..."

**Not knowing what it was...**

"Whoever has the best hairstyle..."

**And they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song--**

Why does God hate me? What did I ever do? Oh, yeah...

_Gah! My ears! They're on fire! They're bubbling with intense heat and pain! Gah! The pain!_

"Wins!"

Sasuke looked up. On the long table there were many styling supplies, like scissors, gel, spray bottles, and things of that sort. There were also two identical heads of hair, two long, black-haired models.

Sasuke looked at his and knew he'd be the winner.

Naruto looked at his own and started to sweat, without the same confidence. But he needed to win, or he'd be behind. And that was something that could _not _happen. But something occured to him suddenly. He grinned devilishly at his clever plot.

They started immediately into their task. Sasuke examined his subject with a gentle seriousness as Naruto barely second glanced his. Sasuke smirked at his amateur demeanor.

What makes you think you'll be so good? Remember Guy?

_Yes, Sasuke! Let me do it! I was the top stylist among the war heroes of Nam!_

Sasuke ignored them and surveyed the dark, silky hair. It looked so much like his mother's....

Oh, don't think about that. You'll get sentimental, then choked up...

**She never did finish her story about how she met Dad...sob...**

_Oh, so sweet!_

They met at a bar. Had a drink, took a cab, had a one-night stand, wound up with me, got married. Happy?

**Liar!**

Didn't you ever notice how Dad is so much older than Mom?

_But they didn't regret you, right? You became an amazing shinobi!_

No...but she might have said something like that as I brought down the sword...

**Gah! Stop! **

Gaara lied in the grass, head in hands, watching an ant hill. So many ants. So many little mounds of dirt to make the castle home thing. Oops, crushed an ant. Oops, another. Oops, another. Oops...ten...oops...fifty...oops...heehee...wait, what? They're...they're all over me...no...get off...gaaaaaah!

As Gaara fought for his life against the tiny menaces, Naruto was making progress. He cut this way and that, completely satisfying his urge to make it as he'd envisioned. He'd have to win now. His plan was working...

The Kazekage stared at his creature of hair. "The hell is that? It looks horrible...what is he thinking...?"

Temari tapped his shoulder. "Would you like some Red Bull, Father?" She asked. The Red Bull smelled horribly and a light explosion sounded within.

"Uh, no thanks," said the man, looking back hesitantly.

Finally, the two boys were done. They covered them with sheets, to unveil when Gaara was properly debugged and checked over by the school nurse.

When the bleeding had stopped, Gaara sat before his friends, awaiting their creations. He hoped Naruto had done well, because he needed a point more than anything.

One...two...three!

The sheets were taken off simultaneously by the host, and both heads were showed to Gaara in one go. He had to take in two tragedies at once.

Sasuke's hair...man, Sasuke's hair. It turned out _exactly _like Guy's hair. It was so atrocious Gaara felt his retinas melt and give off a mild burning sensation.

But, Naruto's hair was equally horrible. It was jagged and horrible-looking, for he'd gone for a hairstyle that wasn't for silky dark-haired people. But it was obvious immediately that he'd tried to model it after Gaara. He'd tried to make the hair jagged and uneven, sticking up at odd angles using gel, to look like Gaara.

His plan had obviously and horribly failed, as Sasuke realized. He didn't stand a chance. Even against Guy's hair.

But Gaara didn't seem to think so. He started to cry immediately. He did that a lot lately, it seemed.

"You...you...made it...after...me..." his sniffles and sobs choked up his words.

**Sneaky little fuck, **thought Sasuke.

Just like Father.

**God, I hope I don't have to listen to you for the rest of eternity...**

Just think, at the end, there will be...cake. 

_This was a triumph! I'm making a note here, HUGE SUCCESS!_

**Oh my God, you started him off. Thanks a lot, Itachi. **

You're welcome. Now, are you gonna eat that cake?

_Where?!_

Haha, there is no cake!

_You bastard._

And, Naruto miraculously won the next point, giving him two points and Sasuke still at three, much to his dismay.

That was a sucky ending.

_How about an Itachi strip-tease?_

Ok!

**No! The only one who'll see it is me!**

You know you love it.

--

_Just so that you know, the 'cake' reference was from a game, Portal--If you know a gamer boy, you'll know it. Or if you are a gamer boy you'll know. I personally don't play it, but my brother does, and I heard the Portal Song--which is "Still Alive" by the way, and fell in love with it. _

_Look at me still talking when theres science to do..._

_Sorry, that was a line from the song. Bye!_

_Oh, wait. I also used that "I Feel Pretty" song and "The Song That Doesn't End" or, "The Song That Never Ends" or something to that effect..._

_Ok, bye!_


	15. Chronicle 10: Thursday: Hornets!

Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own any material in this story. I do claim its hilarity. Well, if it was hilarious, anyway, that's your choice...

--

"All-you-can-eat-buffet."

To Choji, these words might have meant a heavenly bliss. To Naruto and Sasuke, it meant war.

In order to win the favor of little Gaara, they would have to eat the most disgusting things you could imagine. Pig intestine, dog droppings, bars of butter and bacon grease--that just being the appetizer.

Naruto was ready. He was gonna win this. Sasuke, on the other hand, having come from the elite Uchiha, was used to delicate, delicious foods.

Mmm, bars of butter, Itachi thrummed inside his head.

**That's disgusting.**

One time, Kisame ate a whole platter of meat before I told him it was shark!

_What happened?_

He was ok until he realized it was his father.

**Oh, God, you killed his own father?**

Oh, come on. I killed yours, too.

Naruto rubbed his hands together. Just chug it down, he told himself. Act like it doesn't bother you, and Sasuke'll chicken out. Peice of cake.

_Did someone think "cake"?_

Wasn't me. 

_Just keep on trying until you run out of cake..._

**Huh? There's no cake here, Jeff.**

_No, I meant--nevermind._

"Dig in!"

Once again, the amateur host caught them off guard. Gaara watched disgustingly as Naruto bit into lizard guts while Sasuke chewed viciously at an octopus eye.

The Kazekage was having a hell of a time. He stifled guffaws and hoots of laughter, for they'd surely notice. Temari and Kankuro had gone home, hoping to slip some poison into their father's soup that night.

It was getting darker. The Kazekage realized that their friendship had indeed not been terminated. His plan was being foiled unconsciously. In a burst of anger, he stamped his foot. Unfortunately, he'd mistakenly, foolishly, stomped on a hornet's nest.

The army of ants that had attacked Gaara paled in comparison to this mighty swarm. They were everywhere at once, and it seemed every stab of shooting pain was worse than the last.

Sasuke was squirting the jelly from a chicken's tongue--_chickens tongue!_--when he noticed the howls of pain and agony echoing from the forest.

Ah, I've heard worse. I made Auntie squeal like a piglet.

**Oh, my God, Itachi, you are soooo dead.**

_Gosh, you keep saying that, but you never do anything. Back up your words, runt!_

**But what can I do, Jeff? He's just a voice in my head. If I kill him, I might hurt something important. Like my sex drive.**

You don't have a sex drive yet, you're freaking eight. And it's not like there's anything down there to please...

_Burn!_

The pitiful cries continued as Naruto spit out his horse hoof and joined Gaara, Sasuke and the host as they slowly tiptoed toward the sounds.

Suddenly, from the depths of the forest, a figure emerged, covered in swollen lumps that horrified and frightened everyone.

"Dad?" Gaara suddenly murmured.

**Well, it can't be **_**my **_**dad, because **_**my**_** dad's dead, right?**

Sasuke, I am your father.

**Bull. I'm gonna kill you.**

The force is weak within this one.

_Talk backwards I do._

"No, it's not him," Naruto suggested. "It must be man-bear-pig!"

Whatever it was, it was coming towards them fast, and they had no choice but to dash away from the approaching creature, as the sound of buzzing insects filled their ears.

Suddenly, the figure stopped. In the dying light of the day, the children watched as each and every bug began to drop away, oddly.

Sasuke peered closer. Each time one fell, it was covered in some strange...flame? Black flame?

I pwns all you buggies, bitches.

Sasuke stared. **Itachi...you're doing this?**

Uh, derr. Amaterasu, biatch.

_Oh, yeah, we totally understand, Itachi._

Well, I understand that if you don't shut the f*** up you might learn just what the Amaterasu us, Jeff.

_Point taken._

Just don't touch it.

**Why?**

Because it will burn--I mean, because it's actually cake.

_CAKE?! _

**No, wait, Jeff--**

Too late.

The friendship tournament ended, with no clear winner. The Kazekage was taken away in a stretcher, and the boys were questioned until ten at night. The Hokage finalized it as "a misunderstanding with the bees" and it was neither the Kazekage nor the bees' faults. Also, Jeff was ok. Itachi was able to stop the Amaterasu that was eating up his insides when he'd mistakenly eaten a bug that was still burning, thinking it was cake.

Gaara was infinitely sorry. "I'm so, so sorry, guys," said Gaara. "My father ruined the entire game."

Naruto smiled and clapped him on the back. "It's ok, I was about to barf that awful stuff anyway. But let's just say I won, ok?"

Sasuke scoffed. "Yeah, right, loser. I won."

"No, me, you gay...er...something!"

"Takes one to know one, biaaaaaaaatch!"

Gaara left his friends then, fighting vainly. No one would be proclaimed the best friend.

Because they both were.

Gaara didn't understand why he thought those gay idiots could possibly be good friends at all, but he left it at that.

--

Midnight that night, Sasuke rolled over and his eyes immediately opened wide.

"Wait," he said aloud. "Itachi was just a voice in my head. How could he project justsu when he isn't here?"

No answer. Itachi and Jeffrey were sleeping soundly within his brain.

Well, one was. The other was quickly making his way back to a certain secret hideout, where a certain secret partner was waiting for him to bring back the

Chinese he'd ordered.

Jeffrey.

If you think it's really Jeff, you have something critically wrong with you. I mean, you're like, as crazy as Orochimaru. And that's really bad, dog. Really bad. You'll start vomiting snakes and molesting little boys. Seriously.

--End of the Insanely Long Thursday--

--

_Finally, Thursday is over. So many chapters. Now only Friday and Saturday are left! Boo-hoo! Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. And sorry if you don't think it's funny. I'm turning into Family Guy and Spongebob--used to be funny and original, now is running out of ideas!_

_Also, I have some comments in here concerning Portal, Star Wars, and South Park._

_And it's slowly getting more inappropriate, this series. I hope I'm not poisoning any young readers with my language and material. Sorry._

_See you next time!_


	16. Chronicle 11: Friday: Deadly Mistake!

It was Friday. Oh, horrible, dreaded Friday. One more day until Gaara's departure. Sasuke and Naruto, during school that day, groped the depths of their minds for something they could do that would be special for Gaara.

Haha, you thought "groped"!

_He is so gay, _Jeffrey joked.

**Why don't you annoy some other poor soul once in a while? **Sasuke pleaded, having had enough of this ridiculous game they played all the time.

You're too much fun. Do you know how much of our kind talks to people, and they think they're crazy?

**So I'm not crazy, it's just you guys?**

_Nah, you're pretty crazy. _

**And you aren't, Vietnamese beautician?**

You should stop with that, Sasuke. Jeff's getting a little weird. He's shuddering and shivering a bit.

**Yeah, right, like I'm scared of a little gay hairstylist--**

"Sasuke?" Naruto said loudly into Sasuke's ear, standing over him on the playground as he stared off into space. "Sasuke!"

It was no use. He was completely out of it, a spot of dribble forming and dragging itself from the corner of his mouth. It was like he was wrapped up with something in his mind, maybe a mental battle. Either way, Naruto quickly took advantage of the moment and shot a picture.

As he snickered, he heard a voice call, "Hey, loser!"

Naruto was used to such names and immediately thought it was himself. Half-turning to see who had called on him, he was surprised to see one large boy not staring into his own eyes but another's--Gaara.

Without a word Naruto sprinted to the middle of the playground, as kids started to form a ring around the two boys, chanting, "Fight! Fight! Fight!"

Gaara stood, shaking and tembling, before the school's toughest bully--Hiro Tokio. Why he would be given such a first name Naruto was unsure, but in any case, it was obvious he had taken an immediate disliking to the appearance of Gaara.

Why's Gaara here? thought Naruto, fighting his way through the thick crowd.

"I heard 'bout ya!" exclaimed the bully. "That mutant o' the Kazekage's. I heard they hated yer guts so much that yer own ma left ya fer dead!"

Naruto knew this to be a lie, for he knew his mother had been killed. He also knew that those words would kill Gaara.

Naruto caught sight of the battle. Gaara stood before the looming Hiro, who was staring him down hard. Gaara stared at his feet, not wanting to make eye contact.

"Huh? Ain't it true, wimp?" said the ugly monster, pointing a fat finger straight at Gaara's nose, poking it, then roughly grabbed his collar and forced the boy off the ground.

Naruto had seen enough. This entire fight was only for the monstrous boy's perverted pleasure in seeing Gaara, helpless, shiver in fear.

Naruto shoved kid after kid, trying to get closer, but it seemed his efforts were in vain. Children began to pile up. Every time Naruto took a step forward he had to take two back.

By this time, Jeffrey's mental attack had worn off, leaving Sasuke temporarily ok. Shaking his head, Sasuke looked up to see the writhing mass of students.

He couldn't see what was going on except for the giant bully, Hiro, clenching the cloth of a poor boy's shirt. Sasuke was about to turn away, unbothered, before realizing the boy had a mass of red, messy hair. With a sigh, Sasuke knew there was no way out of this.

Surging forward, Sasuke fought his way through the crowd and was soon joined by Naruto, who was kicking and butting his head.

Yes, Sasuke! Get him! Before he steals Gaara and you lose your chance for the Mangekyo!

**I'll just kill you, you bastard.**

Wow, I'm sooo scared.

**I could sic Jeffrey on you.**

Oh, God! I'll be good, I'll be good!

_Jeffrey's a good boy, a good boy...mmm...precious..._

**I think he had a mental breakdown.**

But, you're his mind, Sasuke.

**What does that mean?**

_Tobi is a bad boy compared to Jeffrey...heeheehee..._

***Cough*Phsyco*cough***

Gaara was still trembling badly, unable to look into the boy's eyes until he started shaking him, shouting, "Look at me, punk!"

Gaara finally was able to look into them, and immediately regretted it. Those eyes were filled with hate. Meaningless, horrible hate that had no foundation. Hate for a person from stereotypes, with no real meaning.

The worst kind. Gaara knew this kind, this hate that left anyone who it was aimed at feeling lower than dirt, like they had no reason for living. That, with the combination of the bloodlust already sealed within him and the shouting of the ignorant children managed to awaken something he had rarely seen before--not his inner demon, the seperate soul that inhabited his body, but the seperate side of himself--his dark side.

Everything seemed to slow down. The dirt from beneath the children's feet seemed to take forever to rise, in little streams that quickly made their way to the two fighters. Sasuke and Naruto were the first to realize it, and Hiro the last. As he laughed sickeningly, the students around him started to lessen their chants as they stood, deafeningly silent.

It was too late before it even started. He was destined to die, unknowingly provoking the worst of opponents.

Black blood flew everywhere, and the closest children got hit with a spray of thick, sticky blood that would probably forever haunt their memories and maybe even stop them from their quest of becoming shinobi.

Cries of agonizing fear filled the air, and Naruto and Sasuke felt themselves being pulled with the crowd as teacher shinobi dashed to the scene, scooping up contaminated children and scurrying to the nurse's office to check if they were ok.

No one had to ask if Hiro had died. It was obvious from the screaming cries of the children and the sickening condition the manipulated sand was in.

Though it made Sasuke's blood boil in fear and slight confusion, Naruto realized completely that none of it was Gaara's fault. It was a combination of the targeted boy's own foolishness and the cruelty of Gaara's father.

School was closed for the day. Naruto didn't even have the chance of talking to Gaara before he was hurried away to be calmed down. Naruto knew he'd gain control of himself, just like last time.

Sasuke and Naruto didn't even say good-bye, just sprinted to their homes and didn't bother to walk to the playground, where they'd planned to meet tht day. It ws obvious that Gaara would not be there, and Sasuke and Naruto felt no need to be near each other--Gaara was the only thing that kept their friendship intact.

The only problem was whether or not they'd be able to see Gaara before he left. Would the slaughter motivate the Hokage into the immediate departure of his visitors, or would they hold it off for tomorrow, since that was their original plan?

That was mad sick, man.

_Me wants more. More..._

**I'm so screwed. So mentally unstable...**

Pfft, you, mentally unstable? You should see Juugo. Orochimaru, Tobi, your friend, Gaara...

**I have a confession.**

*Sigh* What is it?

**I'm gay. No, like, seriously.**

Haha, I know we make fun of you, but you don't have to say that.

**Nah, seriously, I kinda like Naruto...**

Holy shit. Hey, wait, then why didn't you head to the playground to see him?

**It would be too obvious! Besides, he wouldn't be there...he doesn't feel the same way...I'm sure...**

You sound like such a girl...I love it!

--To Be Continued--

--

_Ok, about the gay thing. I had a reviewer person--forget who--who said they wanted to know if I'd make one of them like each other or something, and I didn't really think of that before, but I just decided to add it._

_If you don't like gay pairings, its ok. The series is almost over, and there won't be any gay scenes or whatever. It's ok, homophobes, there won't be anything of the sort._

_Also, I felt like saying this: I just wanted to express my genuine hate for stereotypes and the unfounded strong feelings against people of different races, religions, sexual orientations...and all that. I support every single one of you, and I don't judge people on any of that. _

_Ok, well, sometimes I think gay people would make the best friends, but otherwise, I'm pretty much open to anything. So, if you dislike anyone for any reason other than who they are personally, you're a dumbass. End of story._

_Bye-bye!_


	17. Chronicle 12: Saturday: Pain!

The day started out hollow. Naruto felt himself wither inside. This was Saturday, the day Gaara would leave. For all he knew, he already had, late within the night...

This was the final day. It felt gut-wrenching. Sasuke lied in bed for almost ten minutes, trying to calm himself as his only friend--other than Naruto, who counted as more of a crush--was going away.

**This is worse than 2012, **Sasuke thought drearily.

Shhh, don't say that. The readers might be ignorant about the end of the world.

**So?**

The government might realize the writer wrote that...and take her away...

(_Ok, writer here. I believe in the Mayan's end of the world prophecy of 2012, and my brother mentioned it at his high school and the teacher had to send him to the principal's office because they didn't want him to cause chaos, what with all the kids thinking they're gonna die...just thought I'd add that. If you don't know what it is, look up 2012 or Mayan prophecy stuff on Google.)_

**I don't care if the government takes her away. She made my prime hairstyle that of Guy's.**

Fine, I'll just tell her to have her take Naruto away...

**No! My love!**

_Lol, Sasuke is such a girl._

**Did you just say 'lol'?**

___No..._

Naruto and Sasuke met at the playground around ten in the morning, unsure of what to do. The mansion gave no hints, as it looked as deserted as it had been before, even while housing the Kazekage. And they didn't dare knock on the door, for if they were there, what would they say? And, if they weren't, they would certainly get in trouble for stepping foot on the property.

Sasuke and Naruto swung on the swings, as Sasuke tried to calm his beating heart.

Oh, my gosh, Sasuke, calm the hell down.

_Seriously, it's just Naruto..._

Yes, Sasuke, just think of Naruto...sweet, hot, blond-headed Naruto...

**Jesus, Itachi, I'm eight. I can't think of Naruto that way!**

_Wait, did you say Jesus? Isn't there, like, no such thing as Jesus in this world?_

**Oh...right...yeah...shit, edit that out...**

"Whgat should we do?" Naruto asked sullenly.

**Did the writer just spell 'what' wrong? **Sasuke thought. "I don't know," Sasuke answered.

Naruto looked over at Sasuke. "When this is all over, will you still be my friend?" he asked.

Sasuke stopped pumping his legs, and tensed. Frozen, his heart bet faster, trying to find the right thing to say.

He finally turned his head away snobbishly. "Pfft, as if," he said, while thinking, **I hope I'll be more than that.**

God, the room is spinning...'cuz of the gayness...

**And I'll just forget about that night you spent with Kisame. What did you say it was like? 'It was so romantic, as he held me...'**

_Oh, please, stop...my...my brain, it just can't...process...ewww..._

Suddenly, Naruto stood. "We're wasting too much time. What if he's still there, about to leave? We gotta catch him. Maybe he's even already at the front gate!"

In a flash, Naruto was sprinting as fast as he could, so, naturally, Sasuke caught up quickly.

Without looking at Naruto, he asked, "So, what do we do?"

Naruto slowed. "I don't know, I was heading to the gates..."

"What a waste of time, loser." His brain fought against him as he managed to add the insult for the sake of disguising his true feelings. "Just go to the mansion."

"Oh, right. Yeah. Forgot about that."

**And if I could just forget my love for you...**

Whatever he says, you find something to think...

_Sasuke's lonely. We should set up a date for him._

Orochimaru's still single...they could go out to dinner.

_Are you kidding? Sasuke would __**be **__dinner to that king cobra..._

Nah, he'd be more interested in Sasuke's body...Ha, get it, Orochimaru's Art of Immortality?

_Lol!_

Sasuke and Naruto sped off to the mansion as fast as they could, and were there in under a moment. Knocking hurriedly on the door, Sasuke and Naruto eagerly awaited their friend.

They were disappointed as they were met by Kankuro, who stared at them with undisguised contempt.

"We're leaving today, little boys. Gaara can't come out, he's under house arrest."

Naruto pouted, and Sasuke bit his lip at the insanely cute sight. "So, what, we won't get to see him at all?" Sasuke asked.

"Nope," Kankuro answered viciously. "Precious little Gaara has to stay home to calm down his mutant blood. You should just stay away. You don't know what you already got yourselves into."

With that, the door was slammed, and Sasuke was left with a whimpering Naruto.

"Naruto, calm down," Sasuke said quietly. "We'll find a way to see Gaara." He'd never seen Naruto this upset. He'd never seen him upset at all, really.

"They blame Gaara for all that!" Naruto answered blatantly. "They don't go easy on him one bit! Everything is always all his fault! No one is ever even nice to him!"

Sasuke rubbed the back of his head, not knowing what to say.

Comfort him, Itachi advised. Get him alone...

_Ew, Itachi._

That's what I did with Kisame.

**My mind needs a content filter.**

Suddenly, Naruto turned and ran. His feet pounded hard on the packed dirt of the walkway and then onto the asphalt of the village's streets, unable to stop the flood of tears.

Why am I crying? thought Naruto. I need to find a way to see Gaara...but...I can't...

Sasuke sighed as he joined pursuit, able to hide his feelings long enough to seriously think of how to calm Naruto down.

He found Naruto on his swing by the Academy, absently kicking pebbles beneath his feet.

"Hey," Sasuke murmured.

"Hey," Naruto answered.

"We need to find Gaara," Sasuke said, getting right to the point.

"I know."

"Why are you so sad?"

Naruto sighed and thought a moment. Finally, he said, "Well, Gaara is treated so bad. I thought I'd been treated badly, but compared to him...it's nothing. And, I know what kind of pain he goes through every day, only now I know it's worse. And I never knew there was anything any worse than my own pain. So, I felt bad."

Sasuke smiled and nodded. "I understand, a bit. But, you see, we have the chance of making him happy. Of doing something that will ease that pain. So why cry when we have a mission to accomplish?"

Naruto looked up, and smiled broadly, making Sasuke's heart beat rapidly. "Heh, I guess you're right, Sasuke," Naruto said. He stood up and brushed the drying tears away. "Let's find Gaara."

"Yeah!"

--

_Ok, so this is my...er...17th chapter? WOW. That's a lot. Wow, I'll at least get to twenty...probably...so no worries. There will still be a few more chapters to enjoy._

_Thanks for reviews. I really like them. I read and cherish them all. ^^ I'd especially like to thank Dark Hearted Shinobi, you're so awesome because you review all the time! Yay!_

_I mainly keep trying to make the series funny for the few fans who review and say they think I'm funny, so when you read a joke I made, know I worked hard just for you guys!_

_Don't you feel all special inside? See you._


	18. Chronicle 13: Saturday: Departure!

When Naruto and Sasuke returned to their quest, the sun was high, indicating it was noon.

Haha, Itachi laughed mentally. The sun is _high. _Haha...heroin...

**Itachi! **Sasuke chastised. **Heroin's too expensive. Crack, man. The sun doesn't get a good enough paycheck because the Sun Union is way too cheap. **

_Dudes, this is totally teaching the readers bad morals. And what the hell is the Sun Union? Also, their self-esteem might lower itself as well._

**Any lower they might think they're as bad as Vietnamese hairstylists...**

Jeffrey sniffled, _No need to be mean...why do bad things always happen to good people?_

Because people like me exist.

_Good point._

Naruto continued to sprint ahead, even farther than Sasuke was able to keep up.

**Man, **Sasuke thought. **Naruto cares so much about Gaara, his running even sped up. But me...I don't feel **_**that**_** strongly for Gaara...maybe I'm not a good friend...**

"Wait up, Naruto," Sasuke cried out, trying to catch up to Naruto, who was shifting crazily through the main road's crowds, heading back to the mansion he earlier fled.

"No, you hurry up, Sasuke," he called back, surprisingly happy-sounding. "Or I'll be better than you!" With that, he flashed a rare heart-stopping smile.

Sasuke nearly planted his head face-first into the dirt road. He wobbled, trying to keep up his pace while the image of Naruto's amazing smile burned itself within his mind.

Burned itself into his mind? I don't want to be burned! I'll burn you back!

_Only it'll be black fire!_

**I'm so scared.**

You better be, or I'll tell Naruto you used to wet the bed when dreaming of Ursula from _The Little Mermaid._

**She was a total bitch! Besides, she had freakin' black octopus legs!**

How the hell are you gonna beat Killer Bee, then?

**Who?**

No one...

Finally, Sasuke and Naruto arrived back at the mansion to find it abandoned this time. The windows looked completely dark, and peering through, it was obvious a hasty retreat back to the Land of Wind had been made of the Sand ninja.

Naruto stared through the windows a few feet away, head bowed. Sasuke was about to ask if he'd given up when he saw his fists clench.

Sasuke thought he'd be his rowdy old self before the fist quivered. Sasuke sighed, "Naruto, it's ok."

"No, it's not! And it's all my fault that we didn't see him before he left!" Tears were in his eyes again. So not Naruto-like.

Sasuke shook his head at Naruto's idiocy. "Look down."

Naruto's eyebrows knit together as he looked down. Below him, there were tracks made from the wheels of carriages, which had pulled the carts carrying the Kazekage's belongings away. "So?"

"They're _fresh,_" Sasuke said, raising his eyebrows as if this should be obvious.

Naruto stared at them, but didn't see how Sasuke could possibly know they were fresh. But it didn't matter. He trusted Sasuke.

"Yeah? You're sure?" he asked, just to be sure.

"Of course. Why would I raise your hopes for nothing?"

Naruto just stared at Sasuke.

"Oh, right," Sasuke said sarcastically, hitting his forehead. "Silly me, I forgot I was a jerk-off. Never mind."

Yeah, you did. And you forgot your place as well. Now get back in line, slave!

**Ha, you're so blind, you can't even draw a straight line!**

Yep. It would turn out completely wiggly. I'd label it, "Sasuke is as straight as this line."

Again, Sasuke and Naruto set out, following the tracks. Soon it became obvious they were leading straight to the village's gates, and they soon became intensely worried that they'd missed Gaara.

They started to sprint even faster than earlier, shoving innocent civilians in their quest to catch their little friend before he left their lives forever.

Eh, you'll probably meet him during the Chunin exams in a couple years, Itachi said with a mental shrug.

**The hell? Chunin exams? What are those?**

It's where they pit young children against each other to watch them kill one another for their own perverted pleasure.

**Who's 'they'?**

Our government.

**Sounds like a bundle of fun.**

_It is!_

Just as Sasuke felt his hopes start to elude him he caught sight of the carriages up ahead--almost out of sight, with the gigantic village doors starting to close behind them.

"Wait!" Naruto cried, breaking free of the relentless crowds and running with the last of his strength for the caravan.

Sasuke joined, and as they shouted for their attention, the door closed with a massive _clunk, _and just like that, their first and only friend was gone from their lives forever.

_Finally._

Good riddance.

Naruto's legs could no longer support him, and he collapsed to the ground on his hands and knees, quivering and starting to sob.

This is your chance, Itachi advised. Kneel down, wrap your arms around his shoulders...

Sasuke was about to bend down, obeying Itachi's commands, when a voice called out, "Sasuke! Naruto! You made it!"

Naruto's head snapped up at the sound of Gaara's scratchy voice, and Sasuke cursed the heavens with all he was worth, before realizing they'd caught Gaara.

Naruto picked himself up and launched himself to his left, where one measly carriage awaited, a scrawny horse coughing at its front. (Can horses cough?) Gaara escaped from the back of it and ran toward them.

Sasuke followed, and soon a small Gaara, completely calmed from the day before's "adventure", arrived before them.

"Gaara! Why are you still here?" Naruto asked, breathless.

"They were so ashamed of me, they told me I had to ride in the last carriage in disgrace," Gaara murmured, looking down.

Naruto's fists clenched, and Sasuke sighed.

_Naru-chan's too excitable, _Jeffrey complained.

That's what Sasuke likes about Naruto...he's excitable...hint, hint, wink, wink...

**Don't confuse Naruto with Kisame, Itachi.**

Oh, shut up, foolish little brother...

Naruto wiped an escaped tear and flung his arms around Gaara, clinging to him for dear life. "Remember us," he whimpered.

Sasuke gulped at Naruto's cute nature.

Gaara started to cry as well. "Never," he promised, hugging back. "Don't forget me either!"

"Of course not!" Naruto answered back, hugging harder. "And when I'm Hokage, and you're Kazekage, we'll be great allies, right?"

Gaara nodded roughly. "When I'm sad, I'll think of you!"

This is so cliche, I hate it, Itachi complained.

**Shut the fuck up! **Sasuke cried within his head, for once fed up with Itachi's horrible comments. **Gaara's important to me, and you're gonna shut up about this, ok?!**

"Sasuke," Gaara asked quietly, shaking Sasuke from his inner struggles. Sasuke nodded, indicating Gaara should go on.

"I won't forget you either," he murmured.

"Me too," Sasuke said.

Naruto stood to the side, and for a moment, Gaara and Sasuke looked at the ground, unable to think of what to do. Finally, Naruto shoved Sasuke forward and Gaara ended up in his arms, and they finally hugged.

After they'd broken up, Gaara took a deep breath, and said, "You made me really happy for a short time. Maybe we'll see each other when we're older, right?"

Naruto nodded violently as Sasuke smiled, which translated to a yes.

Before more tears could be shed, Gaara disappeared into the waiting carriage, and it sped away, through the waiting doors.

Gaara's head poked out the back, and he waved fiercely to his two fading friends.

"Bye!" he called. "See you!"

"Bye!" Naruto answered, waving, smiling as broadly as ever.

"And Sasuke," he hollered, his voice just barely audible, "I hope those voices in your head go away!"

Sasuke gaped at him, and before he could answer, the doors shuttered and jolted, shutting behind them as well.

"Well, that's that," Naruto sighed, smiling and turning to Sasuke.

Sasuke nodded, thinking, **No, this is far from over, Naruto. This is just the beginning--for us.**

Tentatively, Sasuke inched an arm around Naruto's thin shoulders, feeling a blush creep across his face that he fought to suppress.

As the dust cleared from the excursion, Naruto's head bowed. "Sasuke?" he said quietly.

"Y-yeah?" Sasuke stuttered.

"Will you still be my friend?" he asked.

Sasuke looked on for a moment. This was an important question. If he remained Naruto's friend, it would just be complicated, what with his crush and all. But, if he stayed, they could maybe become something more--or just stay friends. Staying friends or becoming something more--both, Sasuke realized, were just fine with him.

"Sure," he answered. "On one condition."

"What?" Naruto asked urgently.

"You never bring up a conversation about me having voices in my head."

Naruto smiled mischievously. "I can't make any promises."

--End--

--

_Hey, readers. This is the end of my long tale of three lost boys. I hope you enjoyed this story that I pretty much made up as I went along. Also, I want you to know, there will be an epilogue, so check in soon!_

_I'd like to thank all my reviewers, though there weren't many compared to some bigger stories--pretty much, mostly Dark Hearted Shinobi and--I think it was Cody? No, totaltheTERRIER. Where did I get Cody? And wow, that sounds like you're totally yelling "TERRIER!" Anyway, you guys are awesome. _

_I loved this story when I was done, because it became funny and a good story! Great balance! I'm so proud of myself. I learned a lot about writing through this, which is good, because I hope to be a writer when I grow up._

_See you in the epilogue!_


	19. Epilogue

_Epilogue time! This is the last time you'll read my comments, for, like, everness unless you read my other stuff. Read my other stuff!_

_I hope you enjoyed my writing and I hope you enjoy my others, if you decide to read them. This is the end of "Naruto and the Mystery Boy"! Oh noez!_

_Also, I made reference to __**Mortal Kombat**__, but I might have gotten some of the facts wrong._

_Bye-bye!_

--

Naruto hurriedly raced down the main road of Konoha, his feet pounding briskly on the frost-coated street.

Yes! he thought. Finally! Finally!

His short but strong twelve-year-old body darted between houses, toward the old playground he used to always go to with Sasuke when he was younger. Those days had been the happiest he could remember. Before that...there was nothing.

Except Gaara. Gaara had been there.

Imapatiently, he bounced across rooftops, goggles wobbling uneasily on his forehead. The exams for ninja-hood were coming up in a few weeks, and he'd been training nonstop, which explained the bruises and scratches throughout his body.

The playground came into sight. The setting sun behind it set a glistening glow onto the nearby pond, awakening old memories within him. Tournaments...playing in the sand...haircuts...

He tried to shake away the memory of a certain few undeniably hideous haircuts as he skillfully plopped down onto a bench beside the jungle gym, immediately setting his head in his hands in an impatient posture.

He couldn't wait. After all these years, _he _was coming back.

_Gaara._

Suddenly, a dark shadow fell upon him. At first it seemed like the sinister shadow of a looming enemy, but Naruto knew better.

"Gaara!" he cried, jumping from his seat and racing toward his old friend, who stood at the foot of the jungle gym, smiling at him. He'd grown some, obviously, in the several or so years since his departure. He wore his gourd on his back, which Naruto hadn't seen in ages, and his clothes were all different, but he had the same mop of unruly hair and the same, familiar "love" tattoo.

"Naruto," he answered shyly, and from the reply Naruto realized it was too early to embrace him fully, so he stopped short before his old, now unfamiliar friend.

But he couldn't help letting his enthusiasm show through with a nerdy, obnoxious smile and a rubbing of the back of his head. "It's been so long!"

"I know." Gaara answered, timidly nodding. "I haven't forgotten you, though," he quickly added.

Naruto nodded fiercely. "Me either! I mean, me either you! I mean, I haven't forgotten you either! Not a bit!"

Gaara chuckled. "So what's up?"

As the two swapped their life stories, a certain Uchiha boy was running as if for his life, deftly dodging ignorant civilians on his route to the old, rusted playground.

Teh Uchiha is me! Yeah, I said teh, Itachi thought obnoxiously.

**Dammit, **Sasuke thought angrily. **All these years, and you still haven't left me the hell alone!**

_Hellz yeah, _Jeff laughed. _I'll leave when my hairstylist job takes off!_

That translates to never, Itachi added for Sasuke's benefit.

_Why are you hurrying so much? It's not like Gaara's going to go away for a while._

It's probably Naruto.

_Ever since they became--_

**Shut up!**

Naruto was about to answer Gaara's tale of throwing sand in his annoying brother's eyes with a tale of a fight in the schoolyard when he heard a distinct shuffling noise behind him.

With a grin, he swiveled around to be faced with an older, wiser, stronger Sasuke Uchiha standing behind him, smirking politely at the older Gaara.

"Sasuke," Gaara said with a small gasp. "You look...healthy."

Sasuke grinned knowingly. "Ditto. How are you?"

"I'm good. You?"

"Pretty."

"He feels pretty, oh so pretty..."

"Naruto!"

Sasuke bonked Naruto on the head, and Naruto clutched his throbbing head with a pout.

"Sasu-chan!" Naruto whined. "That hurt!"

"Don't call me Sasu-chan, Naru-chan," Sasuke answered angrily.

"You know you like it," Naruto said, smiling.

Sasuke blushed and turned away, folding his arms. "No," he said defiantly.

Gaara raised an eyebrow. "Did I miss something?" he asked suspiciously.

"We've been going out for a month," Naruto answered with a proud 's eyes widened impossibly far. "You know, Sasuke, when I teased you about being gay, I didn't mean it..."

Sasuke gave Gaara a look. "Oh, shut up, Sand Man. This has nothing to do with that."

"Only our love," Naruto teased, batting his eyelashes sarcastically.

"God, I should never have asked you out," Sasuke answered.

Are you kidding? I remember that night! All those thoughts that raced through your head...God, I got such a hard-on...

**Dude! Ew!**

_He was thinking about baking cupcakes for Naruto, _Jeffrey said unbelievingly.

I know.

**Dude, that is **_**so **_**gross.**

Naruto pouted, hurt.

"You're not seriously sad?" Sasuke asked dubiously.

"No," Naruto answered with a fake sniffle. "I just know you can't help yourself when I look sad."

Sasuke frowned. "Oh, shut up," he growled, throwing an arm around Naruto's shoulders, hugging him to himself.

Then he looked over at the staring Gaara. "Get over here," he said, gesturing with his open arm for a group hug.

"Uh, no thank you," Gaara answered hastily.

"What? Is it because I'm gay?"

"Uh, no, it's just that Sub Zero from _Mortal Kombat _said the exact same thing before ripping Johnny Kage's spine out..."

Sasuke stared him down until Gaara finally ducked under his waiting arm and they started to walk off toward the sunset, setting the perfect ending to the perfect tale.

Until Naruto tripped.

"You're such a dobe," Sasuke muttered, falling over Naruto from the force of the fall, and forcing Gaara onto Naruto's side.

"Dog pile!" Gaara laughed.

Naruto struggled until he forced Sasuke off him and he sat up on the ground. Sasuke and Gaara did the same opposite him, and he faced them with an open smile.

**He's so cute, **Sasuke sighed with admiration.

It's so infatuation.

_He's fat?_

**I've liked Naruto for the longest time. How can it be infatuation?**

No, I meant what Jeff said.

"I'm not fat, Itachi!" Sasuke muttered, staring up at the sky, as if to look into his mind

"How is he, I mean, in the mind?" Gaara whispered to Naruto."Oh, he hasn't tried anything yet on me," he answered, with a tinge of disappointment, before realizing he meant his voices. "Oh, the voices! Yeah, he's still got 'em. Won't talk about them, though. One time, while we were eating ramen, he cried, 'Excelsior!' Whatever that means."

Sasuke came back down to earth and stared at his two best buddies in the world. "So, how long are you staying, Gaara?"

"A few weeks," Gaara answered. "Same reason as before. My dad's a bitch and he wants to see if the Hokage still doesn't mind his PMSing."

After a good laugh, Naruto said, "Well, it's like the good old days, huh?"

"Except we're older, you and Sasuke are together, and Sasuke has voices in his head," Gaara pointed out.

"Nah, I've always had voices in my head," Sasuke muttered, before quickly covering his mouth with a hand.

"He admitted it," Naruto cried obnoxiously, and the other boys laughed.

They stayed like that for a long time, far into the night. They talked about nothing in particular, like school, friends, and dreams of the future, or talking about the old days, about Guy and the Tournament, and all that good stuff.

It was during this massively long conversation that each boy realized: _I have friends. I have people who care about me. People who will remember me their entire lives, who will confide in me, and let me confide in them. Who will cherish me no matter what I do, or what I am. Who will cheer me when I'm down, and always encourage me._

This is what living feels like.


	20. Bonus Chapter! Growing Older!

_I reread this __**entire **__series, and I loved it. It's my best story ever. I can't believe I thought up the whole Sasuke-has-voices-in-his-head thing. It was ingenius!_

_So I decided to make a bonus chapter. If you hate me for it, oh well._

_By the way, when I reread, I caught an __**embarrassing **__error on my part. I wrote this:_

_**Naruto wiped an escaped tear and flung his arms around Gaara, clinging to him for dear life. "Remember us," he whimpered.**_

_**Sasuke gulped at Naruto's cute nature.**_

_**Gaara started to cry as well. "Never," he promised, hugging back. "Don't forget me either!"**_

_Gah! Never remember them? Damn! I meant to have Naruto say "Never forget us," instead!_

_Well, whatever. There's nothing I can do._

_Also, to all my reviewers--I reread the reviews and I was so happy! You were so nice! Thank you! And I'm sorry I never replied to you. That was kinda rude. I didn't think I should do that...whatever. And to future reviewers, thank you._

_So, without further adu, let's rejoin the madness, one last time!_

--

Naruto sighed happily, staring out the Hokage's main room window. The six Hokage heads stared back at him. They were beautiful. Well, kind of. They got Naruto's nose wrong.

He was 26 years old, and feeling great. He had a lovely family, and one of his closest friends was coming to visit for the first time in over a year. He couldn't wait to show off, because his friend had been a Kage for a number of years and he had only just obtained the position.

Suddenly, a brown-haired girl with freckles littering her face burst in, huffing like she'd just run a marathon. She was Naruto's personal assisstant, named Yiori.

Naruto swiveled around, anxious. Was the village in danger? Was there some top-secret mission for him to embark on? Was this his first chance to prove himself worthy of the Hokage name?

"Lord Hokage, sir," she panted heavily. "Urgent news! You have a visitor!"

Naruto relaxed, smiling. "The Kazekage?"

"Uh, no...it's...erm..."

Naruto tilted his head in inquisition.

"A...very angry...spouse of yours..."

Naruto's eyes widened impossibly. "Yiori," he murmured, starting to crouch down behind the desk. "I just became Hokage. I'm too young to die."

"_Where is he?_" Sasuke yelled, and the noise echoed throughout the halls of the great building.

Naruto yelped and started to tug at the practically glued-in windows.

Yiori gasped with surprise as a tall Uchiha roughly shoved her aside, while still holding an infant. That was the surprising extent of his ability.

Naruto unwillingly abandoned his quest for freedom and smiled tentatively. "Um...hello...honey..."

Sasuke grinned menacingly. "Well, _hello, _Mr. Hokage. And how are you today?"

Naruto trembled slightly. "I-I'm pretty good."

"Well, I know you must be working _very _hard," murmured Sasuke, starting to walk in. Other than his clothes and obvious adulthood, Sasuke had remained the same as he had when he was younger, even maintaining the same hairstyle. "So hard, in fact, that you can't even come home often. Am I right?"

Naruto nodded.

Sasuke calmed down slightly and held out the toddler he'd had wrapped under his arm recklessly, as he giggled captivatingly.

"You don't have enough time for this adorable tyke?" Sasuke murmured, wiggling the boy slightly.

The boy himself had bushy blond hair but contrasting dark eyes. Snot was dripping down out of one nostral, but this did not subtract from the impossible cuteness. He wore blue baby pajamas though it was noon, and right above the heart area there was a tiny Uchiha emblem.

_The advances of modern science. To have two gay people make a baby...well then._

Damn. And I was so sure that the Uchiha clan would die. Do I have to go on _another _rampage?

_If you're lucky, the baby will turn gay._

Who will he marry? Your mom?

_That was cruel._

**Hey, guys, will you shut up? I'm trying to make Naruto envious of my time with little SasuNaru.** (Yes, I named the baby SasuNaru!)

No one could be envious of _that _ball of drool. Ah, ball of drool? I _kill _myself!

**If only...**

Naruto sighed and looked down in shame. "I'm sorry, Sasu-chan," Naruto said, calling Sasuke by his favorite petname--which, unbeknownst to him, made Sasuke even angrier because he didn't like it in public--as he took the boy from him and held him tightly. "The excitement of being Hokage just got me behind schedule, is all. I'll be back home regularly by next week!"

"You better," Sasuke warned, trying to seem menacing, and holding onto any masculinity he had left in him. Though he was very muscular, he preferred to be the feminine figure, though he could be forceful at times.

And he prefers being the one _on top, _if you know what I mean.

_Oh, you go, girl!_

**I will slaughter your nads off. Oh, wait, you don't have any!**

_Ugh, you must __**stop,**__ Sasuke. Not in front of the baby! Do you know much you could __**damage **__him anymore than having him with Naruto?_

How much more damaged can a baby become?

_Well, what if he'd had him with Orochimaru? I mean, how would he __**look**__--_

Please, go no further.

Naruto gently rocked the giggling baby in his arms. "You know," he said, "Gaara's coming for a visit."

Sasuke's eyes widened. "R-really?" he stuttered. "When?"

"Erm...a few...a few hours."

Sasuke's eyes awakened their Sharingan in rage. "And you never _told _me?" he growled menacingly.

Naruto backed up. "Hey, Sasuke, please," he whimpered.

Sasuke took a step forward. "Now I don't even have time to bake him my special pumpernickel surprise!"

"I have a baby in my arms," Naruto pleaded.

"Yiori!" Sasuke cried. The very nervous teenage assisstant was back in an instant. "Take the baby," Sasuke commanded.

She immediately, nervously, took the baby from Lord Hokage's arms.

"Please," Naruto whispered pathetically, "Don't leave me."

Yiori was about to assure him it was her job to stay when she caught Sasuke's gleaming eye, full of unadultered ferocity.

She was more afraid of Sasuke than her Hokage, which was apparent when she disobeyed an order and high-tailed it out of there.

After the worst clobbering of Naruto's life, Sasuke quickly was able to rearrange the room to have it look as if nothing had happened.

Oh, yeah, baby, Itachi chuckled. Senseless violence. Perfect.

_That was enough to last me the weekend, but what of next week, Sasuke?_

**Orochimaru?**

For once, I'm proud of my little brother.

_I wish __**I **__could say that. My brother turned into an actor._

**And...?**

_He was in __**High School Musical.**_

I'm so sorry.

Sasuke straightened out his clothes and unlocked the door. "I'll see you in a few hours," he said chipperly.

Naruto just let out a strangled cry in response.

--

"Gaara!"

"Naruto!"

The two embraced as they'd never hugged before. The duo hadn't seen each other in over a year, though they'd been seperate for longer before.

"So, you're Hokage," The Kazekage smiled.

"Yep," Naruto proudly replied as they sat at the two couches in a private conference room.

"Finally grew some balls, eh?" Gaara teased.

"Now all we're waiting on is a dick," said a new voice.

Gaara immediately looked over his shoulder to see the new arrival.

Sasuke.

Gaara grinned. "Hey, it's Lord Hokage's wife. Doesn't she just look stunning?"

"Aha, ha, ha," Sasuke sarcastically spat. He entered the room and shut the door behind him, to rid them of any prying eyes. This was a private reunion.

Sasuke sat beside Naruto with SasuNaru on his lap before introducing him to Gaara.

"He's got your eyes," Gaara complimented to Sasuke.

"He's got Naruto's ass," he replied, rather distastefully.

Naruto shuffled his feet, unsure of what to say to that.

"So, we're Kage," Gaara sighed, leaning back against the couch. "Man, it seems like yesterday we were kids. Then again, it might as well have been--I haven't slept since!"

They allowed a laugh at the private joke.

"Man, I feel like my father," Gaara said disgustedly.

"But you're not," Naruto assured.

Gaara smiled wryly. "I sure hope not." He stared into SasuNaru's eyes. SasuNaru stared back, unwavering and full of curiosity.

"I can't wait to have one of my own," he whispered.

"Don't worry, you will, eventually." Sasuke grinned.

"No, not eventually. Five months and two weeks."

Naruto dramatically picked up his coffee, drank half of it, then spit it out and onto the coffee table for affect.

"Really?" he sputtered as Sasuke hit him over the head with an open palm.

Gaara nodded shyly. "Really."

Hey, at least **he **got a girl.

_That makes one of us..._

Hey! I've had girls!

_Just because you castrated Kisame--_

**Will you **_**shut up**_**?**

Why don't _you _shut up?

**Because I'm not a jerk-off.**

Oh, no, you didn't!_  
Oh, yes, she did!_

"So," Naruto said slyly, "Who's the giiiiiiirl?"

"Yes, do tell," Sasuke gossiped.

Gaara coughed into a hand. "Er, nobody..."

"Wow," Naruto chuckled, "You sound like half of America's teenage fathers!"

Sasuke wacked him again. Naruto was used to it.

"Her name's Tahi Kuwabara."

Naruto and Sasuke nodded for him to continue.

"We got married, and I _do _love her, but..."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "What? You have some _other _girlfriend?"

"No," Gaara said stubbornly. "It's an...obsession."

"Gambling?" Naruto suggested.

"Drugs?" Sasuke asked.

Alcohol?

_Selling, trafficking, and illegally buying special, top-class, Chinese-made mallard duck models that quack when you sing "Right Na-Na-Na" by Akon or "Hey There Delilah" by the Plain White T's to them?_

"No," Gaara shook his head. "It's..._Twilight_."

Sasuke nearly dropped poor SasuNaru while Naruto jumped for joy.

"You _read _it?" Naruto gushed.

"Yeah! And saw the movie!"

"The movie sucked!"

"God, I know, but the book's awesome!"

"Who's your favorite character?"

"Jasper Cullen, of course! And _Jacob._"

"Dude, Aro's the coolest! And Marcus is so nonchalant, it's great!"

Sasuke covered his ears while SasuNaru played with a pillow of one of the couches. "Oh, God," he whimpered. "Twilighters. Happy place, happy place..."

I had a fantasy that Edward wanted me as a boyfriend because he got tired of Bella's incapability of doing absolutely _anything _right. No, doing anything at _all _without tripping over herself...

_God, don't tell me you __**read **__those books?_

And you _didn't_?

_Well, yeah. But I liked Mike Newton best. Mmm..._

Gaara and Naruto finally calmed down. "So, what you're telling me is," Naruto said, "that you can't have a fully functioning relationship because _Twilight _is in the way?"

Gaara nodded.

Sasuke started to giggle uncontrollably. "You gotta get around Twilight," he advised between chuckles. "I mean, I had to get over Naruto's ED..."

And it was Naruto's turn to clobber Sasuke, while mindfully avoiding the oblivious SasuNaru.

"Yeah, I will," Gaara agreed. "She's a great gal."

Naruto smiled. Sasuke smiled. SasuNaru drooled.

"So, life," Naruto said. "Such a strange thing, ain't it?"

"Sure is," Gaara nodded. "I mean, one day Sasuke's a man, the next a _wo_man..."

"Hey," Sasuke growled. "I take offense to that."

"Being a woman isn't a bad thing!" Naruto objected, frowning.

"Especially if you're Sasuke," Gaara chuckled.

"You're no funnier than you ever were," Sasuke murmured.

"I guess, then, we haven't changed much?" Naruto said.

"Nope." Sasuke grinned.

_Except Sasuke's gayer than ever. But was he ever not?_

And I'm dead. But, hey, what can you do?

"Let's keep it that way," Naruto decided.

"Definitely," Gaara said. "Cuz, I mean, the next time we meet up, Sasuke could be manly, and who the hell wants that?"

"Yeah, and you could look less like an insane panda," Sasuke spat, "and more like a somewhat-cute koala...that...likes to sell non-refundable, unwarranted models of ducks in various, suggestive positions for ridiculously high prices, which have to be paid in the form of curiously unnatural door knobs."

"And I could be smart," Naruto gasped.

"That's impossible," Sasuke stated.

And so went their stupid little reunion, destined to be repeated again and again. SasuNaru grew up and eventually married the illegitimate daughter of Gaara and Tahi, while suffering from mild schizophrenia resulting from Sasuke's messed-up genes, and inherited Gaara's unconstitutional business of the shooting, stuffing, and selling of innocent mallards.

Gaara became a Twilight fanatic and eventually divorced with Tahi in order to chase his far-off, impossible dream of marrying Rosalie Cullen--which, as you might assume, did not turn out fruitful. I mean, come on, Rosalie's a bitch. He died quietly on Theodore Roosevelt's 157th birthday after a huge drinking party at the age of seventy-three.

Naruto and Sasuke's relationship thrived until death. Naruto was Hokage and eventually was relieved of the title when it was passed to Konohamaru, which wasn't the best idea ever because he was still a Chunin at the time, and many horrible things ensued because of Naruto's poor decision. He died of insane boredom after watching _I Love Lucy _reruns for, interestingly enough, the seventy-third time. He was seventy-five.

Sasuke was the last to go. His ending was abrupt and painless, at the age of eighty-two. Well, painless physically, but mentally...

_Why do you walk so slowly, you old coot?_

I'm not getting any younger! I want to watch my _Everybody Loves Raymond _before my bowels riot!

Sasuke, tiredly, hobbled over to the television set in his one-bedroom apartment. Many had tried talking him out of buying such a small place with the money he had from being the Hokage's husband--or rather, wife--but he'd decided he really didn't want to live the high life. Anyway, he would be easier to find if he lived in a large house--and those wildlife conservationists were really very ambitious...

Sasuke heavily sat in the lumpy sofa and, slowly, lifted the TV remote to change the channel from _Oprah_. Suddenly, the door rang.

_Nooo~! Who cares? You'll die before you get to the door, Sas...hey, what was your name again?_

Wah! I can't see my hand! I can't see my--hey, wait, do I have a hand? 

_I don't remember. Do you, Sasuke? Hey, I remembered it!_

**Let me get the damn door...people I forget the names of. **

Hey, Jeff, I was wondering...hey, Jeff?

_Snore...._

I think Jeffrey died! No, my love!

**Relax, he's sleeping.**

*Sniff* A nap that they never wake up from...

Sasuke slowly turned the bothersome doorknob and swung the door open to reveal a pink-haired senior lady wearing make-up and an awfully revealing dress.

"Sasuke-kun," Sakura purred, taking Sasuke's hands. "I've wanted you for so long. I know you're gay, but...take me!"

Sasuke immediately died of heart failure, resulting from the pure horror of the prospect of sleeping with a girl, especially Sakura.


End file.
